Christmas Day

I got to spend Christmas day with my son. We had a good time. He asked for a nerf blaster gun. The big one of course. We got it for him and wrapped it up. It comes in a huge box. Creepy got into the van and was really excited about the present as "big as China". We got him a couple of other smaller presents. He was pretty excited about them. We did not stay at the hotel because I didn't have enough money to stay at the hotel that many times this month. Creepy did not seem to care in the slightest. We went to the park for him to open his presents. I made him open the present as big as China last. Then he tore into the box and got it all together and the darts all loaded up. And we discovered that it needed batteries. What the hell? It's a nerf gun. Batteries? So we head back into town only to discover that everything is closed. Which is great for all the store workers who got to spend the day with their families. It's about time that businesses got some of their priorities straight. We did find a gas station open, so I ran in to get batteries. We loaded the batteries in the nerf gun, and he shot me! Fortunately, they don't hurt, so he could keep shooting at me.

I would put my hand up between the seats, and he sat in the back, I would wave my hand all over. He always hit my hand. He is quite the shot. He loved it.

Late in the day, my mom called while at my sister's house. My sister put her girls on speaker phone, and I put Creepy on speaker phone, and they talked about the presents they got. They talked about how much fun they had been having all day. They giggled. They laughed. They played with each other over the phone. There is nothing in the world quite as wonderful as listening to the children you love laughing together. It was a wonderful day. Those are the days that keep me going in this journey. Just looking back and remembering the joy on his face, the smiles while talking and playing on the phone with his cousins. The laughing and giggling of my child. He is the joy of my life. He is the love of my life.

The Not Christmas Weekend

Due to all the bad weather we have been having here in the south, my son has been out of school all week. I have called him every day to talk. Usually he is "busy" and can't talk for long.

Monday when I called, though, I had some bad news. I went home to visit my mom and sister for a day. I left Thursday afternoon. I arrived right around nine pm. About 9:30 I called my mom's cell phone to say "I've arrived! I made it!", except some guy answered her phone. I knew she was at her book club, so I wasn't all that surprised. Figured she was in the bathroom or something and that she told them to answer when I called. Alas, nothing so simple. The guy on the phone said he was just trying to figure out how to get a hold of me. My mom was on her way to the hospital, an ambulance was on the way. She had fallen on the ice outside on her way to her car. They were not sure if she hit her head or not, but that she was a bit confused.

My sister called her father-in-law to come and watch the girls and we set off to meet them at the hospital. It was bad weather again. We had to drive a bit, well a lot slower, than I wanted to, but obviously we needed to get there in one piece.

We arrived and she was in the hallway on the gurney from the ambulance. She was in quite a bit of pain. She said she was certain she didn't hit her head, but was also certain she had broken her wrist. It pretty much looked like it, too. The nurse arrived to give her a pain med shot, and I left with a couple of the members of her book club to get her car. When I returned, she was sleeping. Or unconscious from the meds. And the wine and champagne and eggnog that she had consumed at the book club meeting. They were a bit slow that night. The nurse finally returned and said it was broken. They were going to splint it, and have the orthopod call her in the next few days to set up an appointment for setting it. Though, he would probably have to do surgery to fix it.

Sure enough, they called the next morning, did a CT scan, set up another appointment Monday to read it and go over her options. Which was not an option so much as telling her that she would have surgery. The next day.

All this meant that she doesn't get to come down here this weekend. We planned on doing our Christmas visit this weekend, tree and all. Creepy was all excited about it. And I had to tell him, that not only did Grammy break her wrist, she had to have surgery, and there was no way of knowing when she would even be able to drive, let alone come down for celebrating the holidays. So I told him Monday. He was really upset. He suggested I go get her presents to him so that we could still celebrate. I tried to tell him that I couldn't just bop over there to pick them up, it was too far away. He was still upset. Then decided he was too upset to really talk.

The next night, he asked if anything had changed, was Grammy coming. I told him no, that we were still going to have to put it off. And told him that Grammy had surgery that morning. He was upset by that too. He even told me I should go and finish shopping for her and bring the presents anyway. He didn't talk very long. And Wednesday, he didn't want to talk at all. It seems sad to me that he is more concerned about the fact that he isn't getting his presents this weekend than he is about Grammy. I know that his dad is very materialistic, and I know it's rubbing off. I see it on every visit. This just seems like it has gone too far. Hopefully it's just stress about being stuck at home all week with his dad because of the weather. We shall see this weekend when I pick him up, whether he is more concerned with the lack of presents, which I plan on taking on Christmas day when I visit him, or if he even asks about my mom.

He has two games this weekend, so hopefully that keeps him busy and too occupied to think about the presents not being there.

Yet Another Thankful Post, Just Like All the Others Your Already Read

I know that everyone is posting their thanks today, but I am going to add mine.

I don't have my son home like I feel he should be. However, I got to talk to him for a while today and for that I'm thankful. I still get to see him, which his dad would liked to have prevented. I am thankful that I still get to have visits.

I talked to my mom today. She was home alone and we enjoyed our conversation. I couldn't be there today, my sister was working, and she didn't have the money or desire to try to drive a ways to visit her mom. However, we both got to talk to each other, she talked to her mom, she talked to my sister. We are all okay and alive. For that I am thankful.

I obviously am thankful for many other things, but those are the important ones. I still get to see my son and I still have my loved ones in my life. Even if I can't go see them, I can still talk to them and hear their voices. Thanks to the powers that be.

About Time

Something actually went okay! It's about time.

Creepy had already been told some misinformation by his dad about me and Mail Man. I started by asking what his dad had told him about the hearing and things that his dad learned at the hearing. This led to all kinds of stories of what his dad told him, most of which was untrue. I set him straight on some of it, on other things I just told him that was not how it went but didn't tell him exactly what was said.

After a little while he blurted out MM's name but then covered his mouth and said he wasn't supposed to say anything about it. I told him about meeting MM and that we started dating in the spring and that MM knew about him.

I explained why we didn't introduce the two of them and told Creepy a bit about MM and his family. He asked if my family knew about MM and I told him yes. Pretty much he just took in all the information and asked a few good questions, then said that he wished he had met him already. I explained that we didn't do that because we both thought that it would be too much for him and since I only had since a limited time for visiting him, we wanted me to be able to spend my time with him alone or with my mom.

I then told him that because I couldn't take him home with me, he would not be at the wedding. That seemed to bother him more than anything else. He really wanted to be a part of it. I know it will bother him and hurt him, but I am NOT going to that county to get married because I am certain that his dad would find out about it somehow and try to mess something up. We would have to apply for a marriage license and I am sure his dad's atty would find out about it by keeping tabs on me. I sure don't want him to be there or even try some of his devious tricks.

Otherwise, Creepy was completely okay with the idea of having a step-dad and brothers and sisters.

So, all in all, it went well. We had a really good visit this weekend.

Passing on the Big News

Well. This will be something of a big weekend for me and my son. I will finally tell him about my engagement and pending marriage. I haven't told him or introduced him to my fiance. I discussed introducing MM to my son, and we both agreed it probably wouldn't be the best idea. We both have divorced parents, and while my dad is the one I remember introducing me to his gf's and not my mom, his mom is the one that introduced him to her bf's. We both decided that as children we did not really like that happening. So we held off. Then we held off because we thought the court date would be sooner than it was and we thought, no point in introducing the two of them because now we can just wait for the hearing to be over and my son to come home. We even had a plan that MM would be able to stay with a friend for a couple of days so that I could bring my son home and have a couple of days before they met. But with him back to work we decided that probably wasn't necessary. But he didn't come home. So now, MM works every weekend and we don't have an opportunity to introduce them.

But I will tell my son about MM this weekend. Last weekend I wore my engagement ring, and either he didn't notice or just didn't ask. He will have a lot of questions I am sure. I don't remember asking a lot of questions, so I don't really know what kinds of things he will ask. I do know that he will be upset that we get married when he isn't there. I don't know for sure how he will take that part. MM and I talked about, as did my mom and I, but I am not willing to go to that county to get married. We have no place except a hotel to stay, and that also means that everyone that comes will have to stay at a hotel. We have a couple of extra bedrooms here, so we can put up some family for the wedding.

I am, however, very sure that Creepy will be upset over the fact that he doesn't get to be involved in it. He has already been upset simply because I went to some birthday parties of my nieces and my friends' children. Those didn't even involve me. I can't even imagine how upset he will be now that this involves all of us.

Hopefully he will take it all in stride and be peachy with it. He may surprise me and not even really care, since it will all be an abstract situation for him. He doesn't get to live here, so maybe it will not be a big deal to him because he doesn't get to see the daily stuff. Not anyway to tell, really. So, we shall see.

Sad Day in the House

I lost. Big time. The judge stated that my testimony was irrelevant and my evidence was not valid, so none of it got entered. Everything my ex said was taken as gospel. My son even testified and his testimony backed up what I said and contradicted everything his dad said. The judge then stated that my son's testimony was not important and didn't count either. My atty was shocked at the whole situation. He said he had never seen the judge act that way. I told him that was because he had never seen my case in front of the judge before. He always says my testimony is irrelevant. He did let me enter evidence in the past. Then at the end of the day, he said that since I moved closer, and my son had never been to this house, on his order mind you that I could not leave the county his dad lives in during my visits, I couldn't bring him home, even for visits. (Sorry, that was quite the run-on sentence.) How the hell am I supposed to let my son see if he likes this house or is comfortable here, if I can't bring him here?

Then, even though I haven't found a job, and I have been trying to find one, I have to pay child support, because I quit my job to be closer. Then because this was a frivolous case, I have to pay all court costs, all court reporter costs, all atty fees, even for my ex, and doctor bills from the last three years because I couldn't afford insurance that would cover my son for out of state visits when I was still living in Illinois. I don't know how I'm supposed to pay any of it, since I can't find a job. The job that I thought I would have after moving down here fell through. It may or may not start sometime next year.

My atty told me that with this judge I would probably never get to bring my son home. This was our shot, and the judge blew it out of the water and wouldn't listen to anything I said, even when I had documentation to prove it. He refused to look at any records I brought with me. My atty told me that someday, I might get to have better visits. But at this point and the way the judge treated me, there is no guarantee.

My son was devastated. When the hearing was over, my ex's atty told him to let my have my son for a couple of hours. My ex went out in the hallway and said come on, you're going with your mom. He thought we won and that he was coming home. Then I had to be the one to tell him that we lost and the judge didn't listen to anything we said. He was angry that no one listened to him. His dad kept saying that if my son wanted to live with me, he would let him. But that's a big fat lie because my son tells everyone that he wants to live with me, but no one listens to him.

I am also devastated. My atty thought we had the case wrapped up and could not lose. I have had a bad feeling for several weeks and told him that. He said it was just nerves. We would be fine. So much for fine. This was a very hard lesson to learn at such a young age for my son. He had to learn that even though you go in and tell the truth, it doesn't always work. Sometimes the liars get their way. I don't know how this will affect him in the long run. He talked to me a bit on a couple of phone calls, but hasn't talked to me for more than about five minutes since early this week. I don't even know what to say to him. His dad keeps telling him that I am a bad mother and was hurting him by giving him the medicine prescribed by the doctor. I told him that the doctor is the one that said he had to have it (for acid reflux), and that was what I gave him. But his dad is telling him that I gave him like five different pills a day. Which is entirely untrue, but he doesn't remember. He just hears what his dad keeps telling him over and over, and I don't have enough time to undo all the damage he is causing in the relationship between my son and me. If he is allowed to say whatever he wants unchecked, I will not be able to undo it. There will be no stopping my ex now that the judge has ruled the way he has.

I don't really know what to do. I don't really think I have any more recourse in the case. My atty says this was the end of the line, although hopefully someday I can have better visits. With my ex being allowed to do whatever he wants now, I don't think that will happen. He will work diligently to ruin what we have right now. It's nowhere near as strong as it was when my son lived with me, nor even as strong as it was a year ago. I don't think it will take him too long to take it to the point where my son doesn't even want to see me anymore. I hope he doesn't, but I know that is his intention as my ex told me that right after all this started. That was his goal. Now he has the backup with this awful judge to do as he likes. Even if it hurts my son in the process, that's ok by him because my son is just a pawn to him. And I am the enemy. We will be the casualties in this war. Because that is how he sees life. A war and game to be won, at all costs. I just hope he doesn't destroy my son in his process of winning.

I hope that my son and I continue to have good visits, and that he won't pull away from me now. At this point, that is all I can hope for.

Hope life is treating you better than me.

Bad Directions, Pumpkins and Ice Cream

Well, the court date looms closer. No new problems have arrived. Next step is to tell my ex's attorney that I have a new address in state. It should make a huge difference in me being able to get my son back. They knew that I moved, but I never told them exactly where. Safety first, you know. I told my attorney who told his attorney, who told my ex, who told my son. That way my son could start asking and my ex could find me. Ha Ha. I am NOT telling a 10 year old anything. He will let things slip, even if he doesn't mean to. I didn't want my ex, or his friends, to be able to find me before I was ready.

Now my attorney is mailing the whatever it is that he has to file to show my new address in state. That means that within a week or so, my ex will have my address. He will come to find me or send his friends to.

Haha on him again. They will never find it. They re-routed the road that I live on a few years ago and apparently the change doesn't show up on the maps or GPS. We couldn't even find it when we were trying to look at the house to rent. We had to call for directions from the owner. My mom has GPS, and hers gave the wrong directions too. Of course, that doesn't mean he won't find it, but it won't be easy for him! They probably also aren't counting on the fact that we already alerted the landlord that lives directly in front of us and our other neighbors to the fact that he will be looking for me.

My landlord has about 100 acres and five houses on the property. We all get along really well, and they don't take to kindly to the idea that someone may want to come here and start trouble. And between all of us, someone is always home. Someone will always be around to see if someone comes up the driveway. That will put a damper on their plans!

My mom and I both had "stuff" happen to our vehicles when I lived up in Illinois. We know it was them, but of course proving it was a little difficult. Now, if they come around to mess with my car again, they will get caught. That would be nice to have them caught red-handed.

Of course, I realize that they may never come here and that I am just over-reacting. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I am jumping to conclusions about their behavior. Maybe their past behavior will not be in indication of their future behavior. Yeah, right.

Creepy has not been creepy lately. He has been thoroughly enjoying our visits. He is still not talking on the phone too much, but I don't worry about that as much now that he is having more fun and enjoying his time with me again. We went to the local pumpkin patch this past weekend and had a great time. Then we went and got ice cream. It was a beautiful weekend and we both had a lot of fun.

I have one more weekend visit and one holiday visit before the hearing. Keep your fingers crossed.