You Want Another Update? Here Ya Go

I have a court date and a very bad feeling. See, we have been trying unsuccessfully to get this court date for a while, and it myseriously kept getting "lost" or "now unavailable". The judge ruled against me last time on some stupid technicalities that my lawyer should have been smart enough to see coming. He wasn't. Smart enough, I mean. So now with my new attorney, we should be able to be ready for the "forseeable" issues. Except the judge is already hassling my atty over just getting the court date. That does not bode well for me. I think that, even after all the visits I have made and all the effort and money my family and I have put into all of this, I will not get my son back after all. Because of a crooked judge.

I am not really looking for a pity party or anything. I have kind of had a bad feeling about my situation for a while, but nothing I could put my finger on. Then when I called my mom with the update about the court date and difficulties getting it, she said she had a bad feeling, too. I think I have been fighting a losing battle. But fight I will. I will continue to try to get my son home no matter what odds are stacked against me. Do I feel like I am going to win? No. Will I ever give up? Not a chance. And maybe feeling like I am not going to win is a good thing. I am not sure that I could handle feeling like we were going to win, only to lose when we get to court. I think it would rip my heart right out of my chest and kill me dead right then and there. Scratch that... I know it would. If I go in thinking that we will lose because of ole crooked judge, and I actually do win, then I won't have to be disappointed.

 I think the disappointment is harder to take than anything. I would rather be resigned to loss than to endure another day of that judge looking at me saying blah blah blah technicality blah blah, can't move the child.

Here's keeping my fingers crossed that the good guys will prevail, the guys in the white hats will win, that evil will be taken down. You know, all that good guys are the best stuff.