Christmas Day

I got to spend Christmas day with my son. We had a good time. He asked for a nerf blaster gun. The big one of course. We got it for him and wrapped it up. It comes in a huge box. Creepy got into the van and was really excited about the present as "big as China". We got him a couple of other smaller presents. He was pretty excited about them. We did not stay at the hotel because I didn't have enough money to stay at the hotel that many times this month. Creepy did not seem to care in the slightest. We went to the park for him to open his presents. I made him open the present as big as China last. Then he tore into the box and got it all together and the darts all loaded up. And we discovered that it needed batteries. What the hell? It's a nerf gun. Batteries? So we head back into town only to discover that everything is closed. Which is great for all the store workers who got to spend the day with their families. It's about time that businesses got some of their priorities straight. We did find a gas station open, so I ran in to get batteries. We loaded the batteries in the nerf gun, and he shot me! Fortunately, they don't hurt, so he could keep shooting at me.

I would put my hand up between the seats, and he sat in the back, I would wave my hand all over. He always hit my hand. He is quite the shot. He loved it.

Late in the day, my mom called while at my sister's house. My sister put her girls on speaker phone, and I put Creepy on speaker phone, and they talked about the presents they got. They talked about how much fun they had been having all day. They giggled. They laughed. They played with each other over the phone. There is nothing in the world quite as wonderful as listening to the children you love laughing together. It was a wonderful day. Those are the days that keep me going in this journey. Just looking back and remembering the joy on his face, the smiles while talking and playing on the phone with his cousins. The laughing and giggling of my child. He is the joy of my life. He is the love of my life.

The Not Christmas Weekend

Due to all the bad weather we have been having here in the south, my son has been out of school all week. I have called him every day to talk. Usually he is "busy" and can't talk for long.

Monday when I called, though, I had some bad news. I went home to visit my mom and sister for a day. I left Thursday afternoon. I arrived right around nine pm. About 9:30 I called my mom's cell phone to say "I've arrived! I made it!", except some guy answered her phone. I knew she was at her book club, so I wasn't all that surprised. Figured she was in the bathroom or something and that she told them to answer when I called. Alas, nothing so simple. The guy on the phone said he was just trying to figure out how to get a hold of me. My mom was on her way to the hospital, an ambulance was on the way. She had fallen on the ice outside on her way to her car. They were not sure if she hit her head or not, but that she was a bit confused.

My sister called her father-in-law to come and watch the girls and we set off to meet them at the hospital. It was bad weather again. We had to drive a bit, well a lot slower, than I wanted to, but obviously we needed to get there in one piece.

We arrived and she was in the hallway on the gurney from the ambulance. She was in quite a bit of pain. She said she was certain she didn't hit her head, but was also certain she had broken her wrist. It pretty much looked like it, too. The nurse arrived to give her a pain med shot, and I left with a couple of the members of her book club to get her car. When I returned, she was sleeping. Or unconscious from the meds. And the wine and champagne and eggnog that she had consumed at the book club meeting. They were a bit slow that night. The nurse finally returned and said it was broken. They were going to splint it, and have the orthopod call her in the next few days to set up an appointment for setting it. Though, he would probably have to do surgery to fix it.

Sure enough, they called the next morning, did a CT scan, set up another appointment Monday to read it and go over her options. Which was not an option so much as telling her that she would have surgery. The next day.

All this meant that she doesn't get to come down here this weekend. We planned on doing our Christmas visit this weekend, tree and all. Creepy was all excited about it. And I had to tell him, that not only did Grammy break her wrist, she had to have surgery, and there was no way of knowing when she would even be able to drive, let alone come down for celebrating the holidays. So I told him Monday. He was really upset. He suggested I go get her presents to him so that we could still celebrate. I tried to tell him that I couldn't just bop over there to pick them up, it was too far away. He was still upset. Then decided he was too upset to really talk.

The next night, he asked if anything had changed, was Grammy coming. I told him no, that we were still going to have to put it off. And told him that Grammy had surgery that morning. He was upset by that too. He even told me I should go and finish shopping for her and bring the presents anyway. He didn't talk very long. And Wednesday, he didn't want to talk at all. It seems sad to me that he is more concerned about the fact that he isn't getting his presents this weekend than he is about Grammy. I know that his dad is very materialistic, and I know it's rubbing off. I see it on every visit. This just seems like it has gone too far. Hopefully it's just stress about being stuck at home all week with his dad because of the weather. We shall see this weekend when I pick him up, whether he is more concerned with the lack of presents, which I plan on taking on Christmas day when I visit him, or if he even asks about my mom.

He has two games this weekend, so hopefully that keeps him busy and too occupied to think about the presents not being there.

Yet Another Thankful Post, Just Like All the Others Your Already Read

I know that everyone is posting their thanks today, but I am going to add mine.

I don't have my son home like I feel he should be. However, I got to talk to him for a while today and for that I'm thankful. I still get to see him, which his dad would liked to have prevented. I am thankful that I still get to have visits.

I talked to my mom today. She was home alone and we enjoyed our conversation. I couldn't be there today, my sister was working, and she didn't have the money or desire to try to drive a ways to visit her mom. However, we both got to talk to each other, she talked to her mom, she talked to my sister. We are all okay and alive. For that I am thankful.

I obviously am thankful for many other things, but those are the important ones. I still get to see my son and I still have my loved ones in my life. Even if I can't go see them, I can still talk to them and hear their voices. Thanks to the powers that be.

About Time

Something actually went okay! It's about time.

Creepy had already been told some misinformation by his dad about me and Mail Man. I started by asking what his dad had told him about the hearing and things that his dad learned at the hearing. This led to all kinds of stories of what his dad told him, most of which was untrue. I set him straight on some of it, on other things I just told him that was not how it went but didn't tell him exactly what was said.

After a little while he blurted out MM's name but then covered his mouth and said he wasn't supposed to say anything about it. I told him about meeting MM and that we started dating in the spring and that MM knew about him.

I explained why we didn't introduce the two of them and told Creepy a bit about MM and his family. He asked if my family knew about MM and I told him yes. Pretty much he just took in all the information and asked a few good questions, then said that he wished he had met him already. I explained that we didn't do that because we both thought that it would be too much for him and since I only had since a limited time for visiting him, we wanted me to be able to spend my time with him alone or with my mom.

I then told him that because I couldn't take him home with me, he would not be at the wedding. That seemed to bother him more than anything else. He really wanted to be a part of it. I know it will bother him and hurt him, but I am NOT going to that county to get married because I am certain that his dad would find out about it somehow and try to mess something up. We would have to apply for a marriage license and I am sure his dad's atty would find out about it by keeping tabs on me. I sure don't want him to be there or even try some of his devious tricks.

Otherwise, Creepy was completely okay with the idea of having a step-dad and brothers and sisters.

So, all in all, it went well. We had a really good visit this weekend.

Passing on the Big News

Well. This will be something of a big weekend for me and my son. I will finally tell him about my engagement and pending marriage. I haven't told him or introduced him to my fiance. I discussed introducing MM to my son, and we both agreed it probably wouldn't be the best idea. We both have divorced parents, and while my dad is the one I remember introducing me to his gf's and not my mom, his mom is the one that introduced him to her bf's. We both decided that as children we did not really like that happening. So we held off. Then we held off because we thought the court date would be sooner than it was and we thought, no point in introducing the two of them because now we can just wait for the hearing to be over and my son to come home. We even had a plan that MM would be able to stay with a friend for a couple of days so that I could bring my son home and have a couple of days before they met. But with him back to work we decided that probably wasn't necessary. But he didn't come home. So now, MM works every weekend and we don't have an opportunity to introduce them.

But I will tell my son about MM this weekend. Last weekend I wore my engagement ring, and either he didn't notice or just didn't ask. He will have a lot of questions I am sure. I don't remember asking a lot of questions, so I don't really know what kinds of things he will ask. I do know that he will be upset that we get married when he isn't there. I don't know for sure how he will take that part. MM and I talked about, as did my mom and I, but I am not willing to go to that county to get married. We have no place except a hotel to stay, and that also means that everyone that comes will have to stay at a hotel. We have a couple of extra bedrooms here, so we can put up some family for the wedding.

I am, however, very sure that Creepy will be upset over the fact that he doesn't get to be involved in it. He has already been upset simply because I went to some birthday parties of my nieces and my friends' children. Those didn't even involve me. I can't even imagine how upset he will be now that this involves all of us.

Hopefully he will take it all in stride and be peachy with it. He may surprise me and not even really care, since it will all be an abstract situation for him. He doesn't get to live here, so maybe it will not be a big deal to him because he doesn't get to see the daily stuff. Not anyway to tell, really. So, we shall see.

Sad Day in the House

I lost. Big time. The judge stated that my testimony was irrelevant and my evidence was not valid, so none of it got entered. Everything my ex said was taken as gospel. My son even testified and his testimony backed up what I said and contradicted everything his dad said. The judge then stated that my son's testimony was not important and didn't count either. My atty was shocked at the whole situation. He said he had never seen the judge act that way. I told him that was because he had never seen my case in front of the judge before. He always says my testimony is irrelevant. He did let me enter evidence in the past. Then at the end of the day, he said that since I moved closer, and my son had never been to this house, on his order mind you that I could not leave the county his dad lives in during my visits, I couldn't bring him home, even for visits. (Sorry, that was quite the run-on sentence.) How the hell am I supposed to let my son see if he likes this house or is comfortable here, if I can't bring him here?

Then, even though I haven't found a job, and I have been trying to find one, I have to pay child support, because I quit my job to be closer. Then because this was a frivolous case, I have to pay all court costs, all court reporter costs, all atty fees, even for my ex, and doctor bills from the last three years because I couldn't afford insurance that would cover my son for out of state visits when I was still living in Illinois. I don't know how I'm supposed to pay any of it, since I can't find a job. The job that I thought I would have after moving down here fell through. It may or may not start sometime next year.

My atty told me that with this judge I would probably never get to bring my son home. This was our shot, and the judge blew it out of the water and wouldn't listen to anything I said, even when I had documentation to prove it. He refused to look at any records I brought with me. My atty told me that someday, I might get to have better visits. But at this point and the way the judge treated me, there is no guarantee.

My son was devastated. When the hearing was over, my ex's atty told him to let my have my son for a couple of hours. My ex went out in the hallway and said come on, you're going with your mom. He thought we won and that he was coming home. Then I had to be the one to tell him that we lost and the judge didn't listen to anything we said. He was angry that no one listened to him. His dad kept saying that if my son wanted to live with me, he would let him. But that's a big fat lie because my son tells everyone that he wants to live with me, but no one listens to him.

I am also devastated. My atty thought we had the case wrapped up and could not lose. I have had a bad feeling for several weeks and told him that. He said it was just nerves. We would be fine. So much for fine. This was a very hard lesson to learn at such a young age for my son. He had to learn that even though you go in and tell the truth, it doesn't always work. Sometimes the liars get their way. I don't know how this will affect him in the long run. He talked to me a bit on a couple of phone calls, but hasn't talked to me for more than about five minutes since early this week. I don't even know what to say to him. His dad keeps telling him that I am a bad mother and was hurting him by giving him the medicine prescribed by the doctor. I told him that the doctor is the one that said he had to have it (for acid reflux), and that was what I gave him. But his dad is telling him that I gave him like five different pills a day. Which is entirely untrue, but he doesn't remember. He just hears what his dad keeps telling him over and over, and I don't have enough time to undo all the damage he is causing in the relationship between my son and me. If he is allowed to say whatever he wants unchecked, I will not be able to undo it. There will be no stopping my ex now that the judge has ruled the way he has.

I don't really know what to do. I don't really think I have any more recourse in the case. My atty says this was the end of the line, although hopefully someday I can have better visits. With my ex being allowed to do whatever he wants now, I don't think that will happen. He will work diligently to ruin what we have right now. It's nowhere near as strong as it was when my son lived with me, nor even as strong as it was a year ago. I don't think it will take him too long to take it to the point where my son doesn't even want to see me anymore. I hope he doesn't, but I know that is his intention as my ex told me that right after all this started. That was his goal. Now he has the backup with this awful judge to do as he likes. Even if it hurts my son in the process, that's ok by him because my son is just a pawn to him. And I am the enemy. We will be the casualties in this war. Because that is how he sees life. A war and game to be won, at all costs. I just hope he doesn't destroy my son in his process of winning.

I hope that my son and I continue to have good visits, and that he won't pull away from me now. At this point, that is all I can hope for.

Hope life is treating you better than me.

Bad Directions, Pumpkins and Ice Cream

Well, the court date looms closer. No new problems have arrived. Next step is to tell my ex's attorney that I have a new address in state. It should make a huge difference in me being able to get my son back. They knew that I moved, but I never told them exactly where. Safety first, you know. I told my attorney who told his attorney, who told my ex, who told my son. That way my son could start asking and my ex could find me. Ha Ha. I am NOT telling a 10 year old anything. He will let things slip, even if he doesn't mean to. I didn't want my ex, or his friends, to be able to find me before I was ready.

Now my attorney is mailing the whatever it is that he has to file to show my new address in state. That means that within a week or so, my ex will have my address. He will come to find me or send his friends to.

Haha on him again. They will never find it. They re-routed the road that I live on a few years ago and apparently the change doesn't show up on the maps or GPS. We couldn't even find it when we were trying to look at the house to rent. We had to call for directions from the owner. My mom has GPS, and hers gave the wrong directions too. Of course, that doesn't mean he won't find it, but it won't be easy for him! They probably also aren't counting on the fact that we already alerted the landlord that lives directly in front of us and our other neighbors to the fact that he will be looking for me.

My landlord has about 100 acres and five houses on the property. We all get along really well, and they don't take to kindly to the idea that someone may want to come here and start trouble. And between all of us, someone is always home. Someone will always be around to see if someone comes up the driveway. That will put a damper on their plans!

My mom and I both had "stuff" happen to our vehicles when I lived up in Illinois. We know it was them, but of course proving it was a little difficult. Now, if they come around to mess with my car again, they will get caught. That would be nice to have them caught red-handed.

Of course, I realize that they may never come here and that I am just over-reacting. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I am jumping to conclusions about their behavior. Maybe their past behavior will not be in indication of their future behavior. Yeah, right.

Creepy has not been creepy lately. He has been thoroughly enjoying our visits. He is still not talking on the phone too much, but I don't worry about that as much now that he is having more fun and enjoying his time with me again. We went to the local pumpkin patch this past weekend and had a great time. Then we went and got ice cream. It was a beautiful weekend and we both had a lot of fun.

I have one more weekend visit and one holiday visit before the hearing. Keep your fingers crossed.

You Want Another Update? Here Ya Go

I have a court date and a very bad feeling. See, we have been trying unsuccessfully to get this court date for a while, and it myseriously kept getting "lost" or "now unavailable". The judge ruled against me last time on some stupid technicalities that my lawyer should have been smart enough to see coming. He wasn't. Smart enough, I mean. So now with my new attorney, we should be able to be ready for the "forseeable" issues. Except the judge is already hassling my atty over just getting the court date. That does not bode well for me. I think that, even after all the visits I have made and all the effort and money my family and I have put into all of this, I will not get my son back after all. Because of a crooked judge.

I am not really looking for a pity party or anything. I have kind of had a bad feeling about my situation for a while, but nothing I could put my finger on. Then when I called my mom with the update about the court date and difficulties getting it, she said she had a bad feeling, too. I think I have been fighting a losing battle. But fight I will. I will continue to try to get my son home no matter what odds are stacked against me. Do I feel like I am going to win? No. Will I ever give up? Not a chance. And maybe feeling like I am not going to win is a good thing. I am not sure that I could handle feeling like we were going to win, only to lose when we get to court. I think it would rip my heart right out of my chest and kill me dead right then and there. Scratch that... I know it would. If I go in thinking that we will lose because of ole crooked judge, and I actually do win, then I won't have to be disappointed.

 I think the disappointment is harder to take than anything. I would rather be resigned to loss than to endure another day of that judge looking at me saying blah blah blah technicality blah blah, can't move the child.

Here's keeping my fingers crossed that the good guys will prevail, the guys in the white hats will win, that evil will be taken down. You know, all that good guys are the best stuff.

Update

I am still alive. We are still trying to get my boy home. All the papers have been filed, all the depositions completed, all the information has been subpeaoned. Is that a word? Or spelled right? We are now waiting on our court date. Supposedly it will be in September sometime towards the end. Right now, I am as tense as can be. This waiting is for the birds. Our visits are mostly ok, although Creepy has been a little quiet and stressed. He says there is nothing he wants to talk about even when I press. I just hope his dad hasn't talked him into wanting to stay with him. He does tell me that he still wants to come home, so I hope he means it. Hopefully, he wants to come home still when we go to court. That would be really sucky to get to court only to hear him say that he changed his mind because his dad buys him lots of toys to stay there. Hope all is well with you guys out there in blogger-land. I will post when we have more news

My eye problem? Turns out it was sinus issues. I got a headache Tuesday night. That morphed into the devil headache Wednesday morning. MM was a little worried. I take that to mean I looked like cat puke. By lunchtime, I was ready to go home. I thought I was going to hurl. MM came to get me and I went home and went to bed.

When I woke up three hours later, I had so much sinus pressure, I had blurry vision. MM went and got me some sinus medicine. I love sinus medicine, it's my new boyfriend. I didn't feel great, and there was still some pressure, but all in all, I finally felt like I might survive this attack of devil sinuses.

By this morning, I felt much better. Even my eye has stopped hurting. Stupid eye. Next time it hurts I will pay attention and buy some sinus meds. Especially since the last time I bought sinus medicine it expired before I needed it again. I get a sinus headache and pressure like every two or three years. I think this one was good enough for at least five years. Damned sinuses. I really feel bad for you folks that suffer with sinus issues all the time. But at least if you know you have problems, you can keep your sinus medicine boyfriend handy all the time.

Ham. Phones. Eyes. Random Tuesday Thoughts

It's Random Tuesday. I'm not sure these are even enough to be considered full thoughts, so we'll just stick with Random Tuesday.

I have something going on with my eye. It's not pink eye or any kind of infection as far as I can tell. It's just a little puffy and teary. And it HURTS. Like, been taking excedrin for several days hurts.

I love Subway. Black Forest Ham. mmmmmm

I'm gonna brag for a minute here, bear with me. I got another compliment on my weight loss last night. My friend said I was looking down right skinny. Yea me!

Today, I sit here and eat Lay's potato chips. Probably won't do much for the keeping the weight off, huh.

I don't owe any more money to my attorney. At least not this week. They said I was paid up. For now. I'm sure that will change soon.

My son was cleaning at his dad's house last night. I want my cheap labor back. Then I can be lazy and get bon-bons and gain all my weight back.

I broke another cell phone. That makes three in less than a year. I really should get the insurance. Ooops.

Moving makes me crazy. And it's expensive.

That about sums up what's rolling around in my head here. Now go check out Keely over at The Un Mom and check out all the other random shit. And don't forget to play along. And comment.

What About That?

I have read several blogs lately that have talked about change. As in change in their lives. Big changes you notice immediately. Small changes that you don't even know changed the course of your life until later, upon reflection.

I think spring is a good time for reflection on your life, and a great time for implementing changes. It is a time to start fresh. A time to let yourself bloom. We can all be flowers. We need to open ourselves up to the change that happens to us. If you want things to change in your life, you need to figure out what it is exactly that you want to change. Sit down, write it out, visualize it.

I know that there are many things in my life I want to change. I am getting ready to make some big life changes. I will be quitting my job, moving, starting another job, hopefully getting my son back home, and getting married. All by the end of this year. These are all major life changes.

But it will be the small changes and decisions that I make that will make the most difference. Obviously moving and a new job will have an effect, but I see that coming. I can prepare for it. The things I can't prepare for are the ones that will have the most profound effect on me. The ones I don't see coming will be the ones that could throw me for a loop. These are the ones that define a person.

I hope that I can respond to the new differences in my life with tact. Mostly. I hope that I can be calm and collected. What I hope most, though, is that the life changes don't break me down, or defeat me.

How do you deal with the life changes that are thrown your way? You know, the little ones that change the course of your life, but you didn't see it coming? Are you strong and decisive, or have you let them defeat you before coming to terms with them?

Baseball and Apple Pie: RTT

It's RTT! Go check out Keely at The UnMom for more random.

I was talking with some other moms this weekend. I have now fully realized just how happy I am to have a boy. One of the women had four boys only and the other woman had all boys, then finally had a girl last. And holy cow, her stories matched stories from Drama Girl. All girls must be pretty similar. I know they all aren't, cuz Baby Girl is more like Destructo Girl. She is a total daredevil and like to take things apart. That is my kind of girl.

Both of the girls like flowers. They like the kind from a flower shop and the kind they can plant into the ground. I think that Creep likes flowers and veggies and things that he can plant. He likes to garden, and so do the girls.

I know that Creep believes in unicorns, and I don't know if the girls even know what a unicorn is. I will have to ask them. Destructo Girl will say she believes whatever Drama Girl believes in. She loves her big sister.

I saw a post earlier today about underwear. I have decided I do not have enough underwear. I am forever doing more laundry so I can have more clean ones. I need to hit of VS for more of those sexy and comfy undies.

Creep seems to be doing okay. He is playing baseball. He seems to like it okay. He got cut from one team and put on another, but seems okay with that. He says he did not like the first coach and says he does like the new coach he has.

I really don't have anything to say about apple pie. I do like it though. Especially home made apple pie.

That's all Folks!

Babies and Big Boys

Well, I spent last weekend with Creep again. It was beautiful weather. We went to the campgrounds and got a campsite. I put up the tent and got out the chairs and his bike. We walked around the campgrounds. Well, I walked and he rode. The lazy little creep could not even ride his bike as far as I could walk. He kept telling me how tired he was. I swear if it weren't for the sports he plays down at his dad's he would be a couch potato. Actually he is a couch potato except when he is at practice or the games.

Anyway, we lounged in the sunshine. We watched some movies, we napped. All in all, it was a fun and relaxing weekend. No creepiness at all. He still doesn't want to talk on the phone at night when I call, but the visits are improving again. I think maybe he had spring fever and just needed to have someone to spend some time outside with. I like to play outside too, so it was no stretch for me to be out there with him.

We also spent a lot of time just talking. Not about anything major, or even anything important. Just chatting, and making sure that I listened. He tells me frequently that no one listens to him or looks at him when he is talking. I try really hard to make sure that he has my full attention when we are together. I want him to know and feel that he is important. Not just because I am his mom, but because he is important as a person. He has value, other than just being my child. He has value, and has his own opinions, and he can share them with me. I don't have to agree with him, and he knows that. It was just really nice to be able to talk and chat about nothing of consequence. Sort of like the dinner chat that can sometimes be heard around the dinner table.

It was really hard to take him back on Sunday evening. The visit had gone so well, and we both enjoyed ourselves so much, that neither of us wanted the day to end. Of course he did not want to talk on the phone when I called. I can deal with that though, if we can continue to connect on the visits.

I really need to get out the camera agian and get some pictures to put up here. He is growing up so fast. He looks totally different than he did when he was home last. He doesn't have even the slightest of baby-ness to his face now. And boy is he getting tall.

How about you mom's(or auntie's or cousins) out there, have you ever turned around and a little one was no longer little? Like they grew up suddenly when you weren't looking?

Well, How Was It?

I hope you had a good Easter holiday. Mine was pretty good. I spent the day with Creep. He was not too much of a creep. He only had a short amount of time that he was creepy. We spent the entire day at the park. I am still tired. I think I wore him out too though, so it's all good. Creep was in a pretty good mood all day. He laughed a lot and joked around, and had me laughing too.

All in all, it was a great day. We played baseball, I watched him shoot some hoops. We watched a movie on the dvd player. We played cars and transformers. We played on the swings. We played pokemon. Hell, reading that, no wonder I am tired. But what a beautiful day it was, and what an awesome reason to be worn out.

So, how did your Easter go? Anything exciting?

He Speaks

I have posted many times that I call my son every night. I have also posted recently that he won't talk to me anymore on the phone. I asked him over the weekend why he wasn't talking on the phone anymore. The answer was a vague "I don't like to talk on the phone anymore". No particular reason why, just don't. I let it go figuring he would either share more or move past whatever faze this was.

Well, last night, wonder of wonders, he talked to me for the whole time allowed. He was very chatty, and friendly even. When it was time to go, by orders not choice, he was actually sad to have to hang up. This made me feel much better than I have for a long time. I felt like he was pulling away from me. After last night, I know that is not exactly what he is doing. He might be some for the sake of "showing" his dad he his, but he does still want to talk to me and want to hear what I have to say. I feel better. Now, hopefully, he will continue to talk to me as the nights unfold in the next few weeks (or months) until this is all settled and I can talk to him every day, face to face.

Sicky Bugs

This past weekend with S, who shall now be known as Creep, was, as always, great. But it was also sucky. He was crabby and hateful all day on Saturday. He was crabby when I picked him up and when I asked if he was tired, Creep responded hatefully with a no. I knew then that he was. Oh, well. No big deal, we'll just take it easy. Except baseball is starting and he had his first practice that afternoon. So he was creepy all morning, til time to go to practice. Then I couldn't find the ball field. Which was okay, because neither could his dad. We both ended up driving around before we found it. Then since he has not had a lick of practice since I played with him last summer after the season ended, he was understandably, um, shall we say out of practice. Really he sucked. He was having a hard time with all of it. The catching, throwing, hitting. All of it. And they can only have 12 kids on the team and they signed up 14. The two kids they "cut" go down to the "farm league", whatever the hell that is.

So, the coaches kept trying to help him and give advice on how to stand, how to hold the bat, and ways to catch and throw better. You know, all the things they are supposed to do. Wellllll, Creep bitched the whole way back to the hotel about how the coach did this, the coach did that, yada yada yada. I finally had to tell Creep that I was done talking about it. I thought the coach was giving good advice and did a good job. Of course Creep thought that I was critisizing him and reacted badly to that as well. Finally I told him I would only talk to him again if he picked a different subject.

We talked alot about Pokemon for the rest of the day. Even that though caused him to be cranky and hateful with me. I ended up telling him that he was not going to talk to me with disrespect anymore. I was him mom and an adult and he needed to treat me with respect. I was not some kid that he could be hateful to and get away with it.

He pouted for a little bit and stuck his nose in his game. After about five minutes of that, he got up and came over to the chair I was sitting in and sat next to me. We cuddled and for the rest of our visit, he was quite pleasant. I asked him a couple of times if he was still tired or if he didn't feel good, but he kept saying he was fine.

Sunday morning I picked him up, and guess what? He was not feeling good. He had a sore throat. I could look at his eyes and see that he was sick. I gave him some motrin. He told me after a bit that he was feeling better, he ate, we played, watched tv. Then he started telling me he did not feel good again. His throat was hurting again. I gave him more mortin. At that point I figured he probably had strep again. (He did) Creep has had strep at least 5-6 times in the past year, maybe year and a half. He just had it like a month ago. I don't know if he is not getting over it, if the meds aren't working, if he's not taking all of the meds. I have no way of knowing cuz his dad won't tell me and Creep doesn't know.

He did tell me last night though that he was finally feeling better. I am really glad to hear that. Creep is on spring break right now, and I would hate it if he spend the whole time being sick. What a sucky way of spending your days off school.

I really don't like it when he is sick and I am not there. And he is sick alot. I know that his dad does not baby him when he is sick, and it seems like he takes a long time to get better. And by not baby him, I mean they don't always stay home, he drags Creep out to run errands, his dad won't let him rest and get enough sleep, all those things you need to do when you are sick so your body can recouperate.

I can only hope that this is all coming to an end soon. That Creep will be back with me, and when he gets sick, he can lay around all day so he can get better. But that little slave kid better remember that when he is not sick, he gets no free pass from doing all some of the chores around the house.

T-T-T-T-T-TUESDAY!

IT'S TUESDAY! You know what that means. All about random. Wait this blog is always about me. It's Random Tuesday Thoughts. Go over to Keely's, grab a button and play along.



Today is my un-birthday. I have been reading about birthday's on a few other blogs, but today is not my birthday, it is my un-birthday. Yeah for me!

I have been packing and have discovered that I really don't like it. I keep procrastinating. That won't help me down the road here when it's time to move.

Oh yeah, it's time to move. Well almost. I turned in my official notice. The last day that I have to work with the bit** in the office next door is April 30. Woo Hoo! Then I can purge her from my life forever.

Someone will take her place. It always works that way. I'll get all moved and into my new job, and there will be a new bit** from hell.

I am not pregnant. Just thought I would throw that out there as I have had a couple of people ask me that lately. Here I thought I was losing weight and looking better and now folks are asking if I'm preggers. Kind of a blow to the self image there.

It is finally turning warm here again. That damned Spring came and teased us, then ran off. But she's back, and the bit** better stay this time.

Now go grab a button and play along. Happy RTT!

Growing Pains

My son is having growing pains. And they are mine. He is growing up, not right before my eyes, but far away. I have missed so many things in the past three years. March 4th, 2007 was the last day I held my son in my arms at home. March 16th, 2007 was when I found out he was not coming home. Without finding out why. All I got in the fax was the order of the change of custody. No reasons listed, just changed. I died inside some that day. Each day was a struggle to get through. I spent many hours crying. As time has marched on, the pain has lessened somewhat. The acceptance of my situation has arrived. Do I like it? Hell, no. Do I accept it? Yes. As time has marched on, I have learned to live with what I am allowed. The daily phone calls, the weekend visits. Each day is a little easier. Not nicer, just easier.

Until recently. Now that we have filed our petition, had a preliminary hearing, and now the deposition is done, the real battle begins. I don't mean the upcoming court date. That I can deal with. I know how to do that. My ex being his typical abnoxious self? That I can deal with because, again, I know how.

So what, you ask, is bothering me? I haven't had a conversation with my son for about three weeks on the phone. I call every day. EVERY SINGLE DAY. I NEVER miss a phone call or a visit. He doesn't want me too. He just doesn't want to talk to me on the phone anymore. In the past three weeks, I have had only one conversation that lasted more than about 3 1/2 minutes. He is busy having dinner. He is busy watching a movie. He is busy playing -outside, with the dog, with the cats, with his cousin. He doesn't ever tell me he is playing with friends. I am not sure he ever has been to a friends house, or had a friend over to play. He is busy playing pokemon, the pokemon freak the lover of all things pokemon. They (he and his dad) are out to eat, at the movies, shopping, etc.

I get it. He is now nine. He is growing up and does not want to talk to me on the phone every day. He is busy with a little life of his own. I just wish I were more a part of it. I want to be the parent that he talks to as the dinner table over a family meal. Talk about the silly things that happened at school, what so-and-so said on the bus. Baby xyz at the after school care did this. I want to hear all those things. Instead I get static on the phone, and a "can I talk to you tomorrow?" to fill my ears.

I never thought that I would be missing so much out of my son's life. I know I should be grateful that I get the phone calls and the every other weekend visit. And I am. It's just not enough. I am greedy. I want more. I want it all. I want to be with him every morning for breakfast, to tease him about the upcoming school day. To hear about the funny things he did or said at school and laugh with him. Hear about his triumphs and failures each day.

I know that all kids grow up and they start to distance themselves from their parents. That's how it should be. I just didn't think that I would be on the other end of a phone when it happened.

I'm having growing pains.

Be Responsible? Or Not?

Here is the official update on the letting my boss know I was leaving. Technically, I told my Director and Assistant Director about three weeks ago. I asked them not to tell anyone yet. I was just letting them know that at some unspecified date in the future I would be moving. I needed to talk to my attorney to find out if it should be before or after the hearing for custody for my son. I just wanted to tell them so that they could keep their mind and eyes open for a good replacement.

I talked to my attorney on Friday after my deposition. He told me what a "fabulous" idea it was to move down there and to move as soon as possible. That gave me the thumbs up I was looking for. So now I have set plans in motion for moving.

When I got to work on Monday, I told my boss that I did not have an official date, but that he needed to talk to his boss to let him know that I was leaving. It is up in the air as to whether my job will remain in the office that I am currently in, or if it will be moved into another office. If it is left in my office, then I will give at least four weeks notice for them to hire someone so I can train the person. If it is moved to the other office, they get two weeks. The big boss man does not know that part. And I have no intention of telling him. The office that they will want to move the job into is with the bitch from hell who has made my job miserable. She is hard  impossible to work with, because she is always right, you are always wrong, and it is always your fault. I usually ignore her because she is the only one in the entire workplace that has a problem with me. I get along with just about everyone else. Just not her. But she is the bitch from hell and doesn't get along with anyone. I also ignore her because, as I told my boss, in the scheme of life, she doesn't matter enough to me to get to me. I really don't care what she says or thinks.

That being said, if I can leave this job to her, and leave them unprepared for how intense my job is, how detail oriented, how hard it actually is, I absolutely will. Revenge is sweet. I will give a cursory training to her and - get this- her son (cause he apparently is not capable of getting a job working for anyone but mommy) and give them my binder with all my notes. That is all. They can figure it out all by themselves.

So, the director and assistant director of my department catch the big boss man and go to his office to let him know that I am leaving. They let him know that I did not give an official date yet, but that it will be sooner rather than later. He needs to make a decision because he already took another employee out of our office to work in a different one, and my leaving will leave this office very short staffed. He said that he needed to talk to the woman that runs the other office (where my job could go) and then make a decision. That means the job will be going to the other office. She has been trying for two years to get my job in there and get me put back on probation ( I have worked for this company for 4 1/2 years now and almost 7 years total) so she could fire me. Fortunately, I have pals in places that would not allow that to happen. Now that I am leaving, the job will be open for her to take.

The big boss man said he would talk to her yesterday afternoon. As far as I know he has not. I am waiting anxiously to hear/see her reaction. She will not be pleased as we are in the middle of closing our fiscal year and trying to play catch up where she sat on the payables for two months. Isn't that nice? She sat on the accounts payable for two months saying she simply did not have time to get it all done, then piles all of them on me in a week and a half (funny how she could suddenly get them all done at once) and is being pissy with me that I am taking so long to get them done. I told her she would get them on my schedule as I had a lot of stuff to do and would follow my schedule to make sure I did not forget anything.

So the pissy side in me is hoping that they take this job and move it to her office and I can give my two weeks and not get all the payables caught up. Let her deal with them in her office. I probably wouldn't really do that, just because the responsible worker in me says I shouldn't, but it is really tempting.

So I guess what this long winded rambling post is about is that they know now that I am leaving, but things are still up in the air. It really has no effect on me one way or the other. I will do my thing regardless of what their decision is. I will do my job and get my work done. Hopefully, before I leave, because that is just how I roll.

Random Tuesday Thoughts.
http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb9/superkeely/randomtuesday.jpg
Go check out Keely at the UnMom today. But read mine first.

I slept last night for about 2 1/2 hours. I got up and made a phone call in the middle of the nap to S, but he did not answer so I went back to sleep. After about a total of 3 hours of sleep, I got up and putzed around my house, then was back in bed 3 hours later. I feel soooo much better today. I am tired of being tired.

Work is still crazy busy. I keep getting more and more piles of things to do. I feel like I am drowning in paperwork. Our whole office does right now. My co-worker said the same thing yesterday, that she feels like we are all drowning in paper work in this office right now.

I am very excited to see sunshine. I need my fix of sunshine. It's like a drug that I cannot get enough of. Hook me up, baby.  Fill my veins with that sunny goodness.

Never feed your cats a solid diet of tuna for two or three days. Get your ass up and go buy cat food. Your nose will thank you later. Especially if your cats are indoor only and use a litter box. I think I am going to have that smell in my nostrils for days. *hacking and gagging*

Well, work is finding out today about me leaving. We'll see what they say....


That's all for today kids. What's random in your life today?

The Results Are In

I had my deposition last Friday. According to my attorney, it went well. My ex was beligerent to my atty. He did not answer several questions. He answered questions that my atty asked with questions of his own, and had to be advised by his atty to stop asking the questions, he was not allowed to. When my atty would ask a series of questions, he would pick an answer and repeat  himself without ever answering the questions. He, of course, lied his way through the deposition. At one point, he even made complaints about how I dressed at a function that I took my son to. My atty kept asking him what was wrong with the way I dressed and did he always have a problem with it. His response was that I was dressed inappropriately for the occasion in question and that it was wrong because it was me. He complained about me waving good bye and honking the horn at my son when I leave him at his dad's, saying it was all just some crazy bizarre ritual and routine that I set up to harm my son. My atty asked him if waving good bye and honking horns are bad and he said that when I do it, yes. He kept saying that it was some crazy routine. My atty asked him if he had any routines and he said no. My atty then asked if they went to church, he said yes my son went to church but could only go with his grandma on the weekends he was home. My atty then asked about the prayers that my ex swore up and down that they do every night before bed. My atty pointed out that those are routines, is there something wrong with them? Apparently, according to my ex, only routines I have with my son are crazy. All the routines he has are A-Ok. The douche-bag. He looked like he had crawled out of bed right before he came in as well. His hair was a mess, his clothes were all wrinkled, and he kept yawning the whole time. I'm sorry? But isn't this an important mile-stone in our case? Isn't it important enough to take a shower and get cleaned up before coming in? Or at the very least, he could have brushed his hair. Too bad there was no one there except the two of us, the court reporter, and our lawyers.

Then it was my turn to answer questions. The atty who has been handling the case was ill and would not be handling the deposition. His assistant would be. He ended up leaving about 10 minutes into the questioning for me. Which was fine. He is very intimidating. She asked questions that involved S's health and my mental well-being. My atty stepped in and stated that she was beyond the scope of the pleadings and that her questions were out of line. We would be willing to answer if she wanted, however it was to go on record that he was advising her to alter her line of questions. She stated that she would continue right along the line she started as long as I would answer. It went quicker than I thought it would. It was not nearly as stressful with the gal doing the questioning instead of the the other intimidating atty.

Next thing I know, we are done. We head outside and then I can talk to my atty. He tells me a few times that he cannot believe she continued on the questions the way she did as it allows us to use all of the old material. The doctor records that the judge and other atty would not allow the first time, S's school records and medical records down there, my mental health evaluation (I am sane-the psychologist says so!), and all the other evidence brought into play by them the first time around. Now my atty can rip my ex to shreds. I can't wait for court now.

I do not have a court date yet. First step right now is to get a copy of the transcripts from the deposition. My atty will then go through the transcripts and file to get copies of whatever records he needs to have for the hearing. Then he will go through all those files to make his notes of what my ex testified to in the deposition and compare it to the records from all the facilites that we get records from. There will be many discrepancies of course. He really hanged himself this past Friday with all the lies that he told. Yay for me.

After the deposition was over, I knew it would be time to relax. What I didn't bank on was the crash. After several months of constant mid-level stress, and two days of high level stress, my body was ready to shut down. My mom and I got back to the hotel and finished unloading the car, I checked my email, we went to get a couple of salads at the restaurant in front of the hotel, and I went to bed to take a nap. I felt like I could hardly move. I went to see MM Friday night to let him know how it all went. I was so tired I could not sleep. I got S for the day on Saturday and still felt totally drained. Saturday after I dropped S off at his dad's, I dropped mom off at the hotel, and made my way back to MM's house.  I took a shower, had some dinner, and we chatted for a little bit. I was ready for bed pretty early. I fell asleep quite easily. However, (and you knew there was a however didn't you?) I was not able to stay asleep for very long. With the time change, I kept waking up from fear I would oversleep. I was not able to get it out of my brain that the alarm would wake me up. So from about 1:30 am on, I was mostly up. That made for a tired visit again on Sunday. S had been sick for the previous few days so he was not a bundle of energy which made it nice to just sit and nap rest with my eyes closed for a little bit. It was total misery driving home though. I was exhausted. And yet again I could not sleep last night. I think I am so tired that my brain won't shut off. I plan on going home and taking a nap today. I could really use one right no....zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Oh wait, where was I? Yes, yes. I plan on going to bed tonight at an earlier time than usual. Even after my nap when I get home.

And tomorrow night? I start packing in earnest.

So tell me, Interneters? How did you spend your weekend? Did you have some nice spring like weather? Did you have a good time resting from the long hard workweek? How are you doing?

This, That and The Other

I am starting a new blog. I will still keep this one going, but will use the other one for my more R rated posts. This one will follow along the same thread that it has been on.

I have an update on my situation with my son. I have a deposition tomorrow. It was set for February, but as with all things related to this deal, it got rescheduled to March. It is still on for tomorrow as of today. We will be driving down tonight so I can get a good night sleep. I need to be on my toes for this. They can ask pretty much anything they want to in a deposition. I am trying hard not to freak out about it, and for the most part I am succeeding. I will be breathing a huge sigh of relief once we are done tomorrow. Wish me luck.

I have been super busy at work. I am taking today to be a slug and not get much done. I have big stacks of work to get done, but it will all still be here when I get back, so I am going to take a few minutes for myself. I have been working non-stop for about two weeks now, and just need a slower day.

I have been packing and sorting at home. I knew I had a lot of shit, but did not realize just how much til I started packing it up. Yikes. Purge City is where I need to head. And Goodwill. They won't know what hit them when I get done.

Wow, this is starting to sound like a random Tuesday post. I should have taken the time on Tuesday to post all this so I could participate in Keely's RTT. Oh, well. There will always be next Tuesday. I'm sure after the deposition and a weekend with my mom and my son, I will have more random.

Hope Friday and the weekend treats you all well. I will probably not be logging on much or at all this weekend. Well, I might tomorrow after the deposition so I don't have to sit with my mom and me couped up in the hotel room all day and night. It will give me something to do. And I can let you all know how it went.

I Need a Sandwich

Well, the winter from Hell just keeps going. It's not snowing here. The sun is actually out. It's (to borrow a phrase from my bloggy friend Aunt Becky) AssCold. But the sun is out and that means warm sunshine on my ass when I have to go outside.

But now? Now it's snowing down where S is. Snowing like crazy. Maybe up to six inches. Blech. And pretty cold for down there. And of course it snows on my weekend to go see him. I'm pretty sure the the snow will be off the roads and such by Friday night and Saturday, but the ground will be snow covered again and that means no basketball or trips to the park. Just another weekend stuck in the hotel room.

The good news is that ball season is over(they stunk and lost all their games, so when end of season tournaments came around they were eliminated the first game). That means we just get to spend our time uninterrupted by traveling around for games.

In other news I will hopefully be able to spend some time with Mail Man tonight and tomorrow. It all depends on the work bullshit schedule. I have to get some stuff entered if I want to have tomorrow off. Except I don't have it yet. I can't enter what I don't have and I am getting a bit worried at this point that I won't get it in time to finish today. And if it's not finished, I can't be off tomorrow. I will work my fingers right off to get this crap done. I plan on working through my lunch if she gets this stuff to me (and starve for the rest of the day, cuz I do like to eat). I may even work over so I can be off tomorrow. I really want to go and see him.

That's pretty much all I have for today. Sort of seems like another Random Tuesday over here. Cuz we all know work is not what I want to be focusing on right now. I have important things to do this weekend and I am ready to get them started.

Share Some Comment Luv

I am going to participate in Comment Luv this month. Check out this site at Harriet and Friends for more information. Let's share the love this month by leaving a comment on all the blogs you stop at!





Now go blog hop and leave some love.

It's Snowing in Hell

You know what that means. It's Random Tuesday Thoughts. For days like today. When you can't hold a whole thought in your head for anything. Or at least for an entire post. Go check out Keely at The Un Mom for all of our partial thoughts today. But wait til you're done here. Don't worry though, it won't be strenuous. We're all totally random over there today.

My new phone broke. Well, I got it in August, or was it July? Hell, I don't remember but it was not that long ago. The touch screen on it doesn't work anymore. And what makes it better? I can't get into the menu without the screen to reset it like the nice gal on the other end of the phone told me to do. I called for the warranty, but they most likely won't replace it because I scratched the phone. Not the screen, the bottom of the phone, but if there are any marks what-so-ever, it voids the warranty. So now I have to come up with the money to get it fixed. In the meantime I'm using my old crappy phone that drops calls, has low volume and a big crack down one side of it so the number pad doesn't always work. Yippee.

I'm going to K's house tonight. I can't wait to tell her about my weekend and see what sort of gems I get from her. It will be funny, I'm sure. I will hopefully be able to remember them so I can share. I also will get dinner. I always eat her food when I go over after work. Mmmmm. I love dinner.

I found some new blogs yesterday. If I keep doing this, I'm going to be stuck with my face glued to the computer screen all day and night trying to keep up with them. My eyes will cross, I'll get that blank look on my face and sores on my chin from drooling because my brain froze. That would probably end my new love life cuz how attractive would that be. Mmmm, drool encrusted chin and glazed over eyes. What a turn-on.

I might take the day off on Friday. I have some time to take and Friday is as good a day as any. Plus I can meet up with my Mail Man Friday night. That would be fun. And right on my way to S. Yum Yum.

I will not discuss the Olympics. Because I am the only person on the planet not watching them. I don't have cable, therfore, no Olympics. And, you know, I just really am not sad about that.

It's snowing here again. I swear this is the winter from hell. I think it must actually be snowing in Hell too. Why else would we get this much snow, over and over again. All those evil people wanted us to have some of their evil snow and ice. It won't end. It won't quit snowing. It won't warm up. The sun won't shine. I need sunshine. Well, I had some this past weekend, but shit, one and a half days of sunshine does not make up for this long, cold, dreary, snowy, windy, icy, never-ending misery. I will just have to hope that it's nice down south again when I go see S. Hahahahahahaha. Like that's ever going to happen til, like, August, when winter finally pries it's cold dead fingers off this country. Damn groundhog.

My new boyfriend's (bleh, I feel like some snotty high schooler calling him that. What do I call him? Any suggestions? Besides hot or stud or ass, cuz I already call him that, but I would really prefer to have something else to call him around my parents) roommate must have really liked me. When Mail Man called this morning, he told me that they had been talking about me (no wonder my ears were burning) and that his roommate said I was welcome to come back any time. I'm sure it was my sparkling personality and not the tank top and silk skirt that I was wearing. Horny-ass men.

Now, head on over to Keely's and check everyone else out. And link up. We won't bite. Too hard.

Wine, Pizza and a Hot Tub

I had a fabulous time this weekend. I did not post anything before hand because I did not want to tempt the fates, but I spent the weekend with Mail Man. He picked me up on Friday evening after work and we went to his house. He actually lives with a roommate, but the roommate was only there for Friday night after we got there (which was technically early Saturday morning around 5:30 am) and was already in bed, and early Saturday morning til about 10:30 or so. Then we had the rest of the weekend just us.

We spent a lot of time just talking. We talked about anything and everything. I was able to talk to him in depth about my situation with my son. It felt really nice to be able to share that burden. I know I can talk to my parents, but it is not the same as being able to share it with someone that is not related to the child in question. I know technically I did not do anything wrong in that whole deal, but it still felt good to hear someone confirm that and come to the same conclusion about the situation as my family and I did. We spent some time talking about his ex-wife and his children and some of the problems that he has with that situation(not the same as my situation, but bad in it's own way). I wish that when adults could no longer get along, they would not use the children as pawns in their anger and frustration at the other parent. I don't know of too many divorces or breakups that involve kids that the parents actually leave the kids out of it and do what's right for the kids.

We went and picked up a few groceries for him and his roommate on Saturday. It was nice just spending time together, and even something as mundane as getting some groceries was enjoyable. We rode around for a bit in the truck because it was sooooo nice outside. The weather was beautiful. When we got done and went back home, I went out in the backyard with Mail Man for a little while and we played with the dogs. We sat in the sunshine and played ball with the dogs. We played till the sun dipped down over the house and there was no more sun to sit in. Then we were going to fire up the grill, but the grill was not in working order, so we settled for a sandwich and chips.

After that we spent more time talking and watched some t.v.  I made my call to S and waited for him to call back. After I talked to S, we changed clothes and got into the hot tub. It has been years and years since I was in a hot tub and I forgot just how wonderful it was. I bought some wine and Jager for us to drink while we were in the hot tub. I did not drink any wine because it was awful. It was not wine, it was some kind of wine "drink" with carbonation in it. Yuck. That will teach me to buy wine at a drive up window. A good merlot does not have carbonation in it. So I had some Jager with Mail Man. That shit tasted like cough syrup. And I don't mean the kind they make now that burns a bit but is flavored to sort of taste good, I mean the cough syrup we drank as a kid from the doctor that made you never want to take medicine again. We did not get drunk as that was not the purpose of drinking that night. Although if I had drank my wine, if it had been real wine, I probably would have gotten drunk. I love me a lot of some wine.

We sat in the hot tub until we were all pruned up and wrinkly. We decided that we were hungry and I wanted pizza. We called a couple of local places and no one answered. So we cleaned up and went in search of pizza. I was really tired from not sleeping the night before so I sat in the truck while he went in for the pizza and slept rested my eyes for a nap refresher. That was about 11 pm. We went back home and ate pizza and watched a movie. It was one I had never seen before and it was right up my alley. Bloody, gory, and scary. Well, it wasn't really scary, but it was pretty good. It was on until 2 am. I was glad I rested because I had to see how the movie ended, and it was all I could do to stay awake. Then we went off to bed. To sleep-behave yourselves. I was too tired to even keep my eyes open, how was I going to participate in anything else(not that I didn't participate at other times of the day)?

I tried to sleep in the next day. But as usual, the sun woke up and so did I. We sat around and talked some more, ate breakfast and then Mail Man did some housekeeping. He did a couple of loads of laundry, ran the dishwasher and then put the dishes away, and fed the dogs. I gathered all my stuff and loaded the bags up. Then before we knew it, it was time to get going to head back home.

I was sad to see the weekend end. I do know that I want a whole lot more of those kinds of days. There were no flashy dates, no super exciting trips. It was just the good quality time together doing things that needed to get done and some things we just wanted to do. It was just the kind of thing to make a girl fall in love.

She's Moved

Well, what an intersting weekend this was for the move.

It all started with the drive down. I don't know about all of you guys, but I am sick to death of snow and ice. especially since I have to keep driving in it. I left work early, which I planned to do anyway, but instead of going home and just being there for a while, I left home almost immediately. Which was a good thing. The first road I was on was a state route and they were plowing, but it was coming down faster than they could get it cleared back off. And of course everyone was driving really really slow. I am a total lead foot and don't like to drive slow, especially when I know the roads are just snowy and not slick. I did eventually get out from behind the slow drivers and the rest of us made good time. I made it through all the small towns and got onto the interstate.

The interstate was awful. The plow trucks had plowed and salted so there was a lot of slick icy slush. It was not fun to drive in. The big trucks were still passing me and as they passed, they threw the slush up on my windshield making it so I couldn't see until they were all the way around me. I had to drive on this interstate for about 55 miles. It took well over an hour. I slipped and slided on several occasions. I saw lots of other cars sliding too.

The next interstate was just as bad to start with. There was not quite as much snow on the road, but as I was driving I realized it was also a lot more ice than the other road had. Several cars went off the side of the road in front of me. A couple went too far into the ditch to be able to get back out, but several slid to the edge and when their tires caught traction on the grass they stopped without trouble. I watched one try to just get right back on, like it had never happened. This interstate drive was over 100 miles. After about 45 minutes the snow started turning to rain. Then just a few more miles down the road, it was all rain. I was able to make good time after that.

I switched interstates one more time to get to my cousin's town. I found my exit with no problem and made the first couple of turns on the directions I had printed from online. Then I could not find the road I was supposed to turn on. So, I backtracked to the interstate and started over thinking maybe I had started off wrong. No such luck. The road was not where it was supposed to be according to my directions. I went back to the main road and parked in the Wags parking lot. Gotta love that I can find the Wags anywhere. I sent a text to my cousin telling her to come and get me. In the meantime, I sent text messages back and forth with MM. I called my son. And then my cousin showed up. I followed her to the wine store. We backtracked to go to her house.

We ended up going straight to bed because we were all exhausted. I am sleeping in her room as there is not anywhere else to sleep as she has everything packed up. As we are laying there, we could hear her cats making a lot of racket. She did not want the cats to wake up her step dad so she went to see what they were doing. And I thought she was going to die laughing with embarassment. They were having sex! Her male cat is fixed, but the new female cat that she found last summer is not. We had a really good laugh over that. She said they had never done that before. I said they just had been being sneaky and hiding it from mom!

We separated the cats and went to bed. We all slept okay. My cousin and her step dad went and got donuts and the truck while I stayed there. She also had some friends showing up from work. About an hour and a half later, we had her all packed and loaded and were finishing cleaning the house up. We swept and mopped and then it was time to go. I followed them a  little ways, but they were stopping to load her car on a tow dolly. I gave her hugs and started on my way.

The drive home was uneventful. The roads were clear and my car made it the whole way. And of course that was the last time I would be driving to see her. I could probably drive to her new home, but it will be about 5-6 hours instead of 3 1/2 to 4.

And so that was the weekend for moving. No wine cuz there was no time. Bad slick roads going to pick up her step dad, not enough time to eat our pizza (which was really good btw) before picking him up, the ride home even worse, and the cats having sex when we were trying to go to bed. It's always a trip when we get together. It's also always a good time.

Moving Time

This weekend I am driving down to my cousin's house. She lives in Kentucky. Well, she lives there through tomorrow. I am helping her pack her stuff, load the truck and get on the road. Today I am leaving work early to get there when she gets off work. It is several hours worth of driving to get there. She helped me move quite a few years ago when our area was blanketed in temperatures that rivaled Hell. And I had no air conditioning. Now that is a true friend. So, off I go into a snowstorm today to help her. From one extreme to another I guess.

Tonight when I get there we are going to go get pizza at a restaurant called Quattros. I have been told it is the best pizza on earth. So tonight I get to eat there and fill my belly with the best pizza on earth. I will get back to you on that status next week. Then we pick up her step-dad at the train station and head back to her place. We will have wine and pack boxes. Tomorrow we will get up and load the truck, her cats, her car and then be off.

Well, she will be off. I am meeting my new beau down the road from her for the rest of the weekend. I plan to have a lot of fun this weekend. Family, Pizza, Wine, and my new love. I am anxious to get my weekend started!

My Favorite Piece of Furniture

suggested by Furniture Gothic

"Describe your favorite piece of furniture. What kind of memories are associated with it?"

I found this prompt today while scanning around for a different kind of topic. I like this one because my favorite piece of furniture is my loveseat. It is not the best  quality. And it is not really holding up to the abuse it received from my son as a toddler (can you say jumper?), and it certainly is not faring well against three cats and all those sharp pointy claws.
 
It is a rough sort of texture. Not really rough per se, just certainly not the smooth texture of, say, my sisters couch. Maybe more like a bit nubby. It is brown in color with threads of tan running through it.
 
After a couple of years of abuse from my son jumping on it and me flopping down on it, some of the springs have started to give way. I had to place a board under the cushions so that you don't sink in so far your knees are at your ears.
 
My cats have taken to clawing on one of the corners. At least it is on the back side where no one can see it. I must say, though, that it took a lot longer than I figured to start showing any wear from that. I figured in a few months, my heathens with claws would have shredded all fabric off of it. It took over 6 years.
 
It is, however, the only piece of furniture in my house that I bought, brand spankin new. Everything else in my house is either a hand-me-down, bought by someone else for me or a yard sale find. I searched high and low for weeks to find something that was the right color (to hide stains), the right texture (sturdy fabric for those cat knives), the right size (most of my homes have been pretty small), and of course comfy. This love seat fit all the requirements. So I bought it on the spot. Then realized I was in a two door car. I had no way to get it home and the store did not deliver. So I called my mom and told her I needed to borrow her SUV, or needed her to come back with me to pick it up. She was busy right then, but would be ready when I got there. Off I go to momma's house, and back we ride. We load it in her SUV and take it to my house. My very first piece of furniture that I was the only one who ever owned it. That love seat will hold a place in my memories forever. I was pleased when I bought it, and am still happy with my purchase.
 
What is your favorite piece of funiture in your house? Why?

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Come join in the fun with Keely over at the Un Mom. Lots of strange and unfocused thoughts going on over there today.

One should always be careful when sending a text message. I have a touch screen phone, and for the most part, I absolutely love it. I love scrolling with the touch of a finger rather than having to keep pushing buttons to scroll down my list of contacts, or when I am surfing the Interwebz (To visit my bloggy friends of course). As with all things, though, there is the potential for trouble. I typed up a text to send to my new beau. I opened my contacts and with the slide of a finger, scrolled down and selected the name. And promptly sent it to the wrong person because the screen apparently was not done moving. I am still not living this down. I have a feeling I will hear about this for the rest of my life. At least it was not a steamy message.

I really hate year end at work. Lots of nothing to do for a few days, then swamped when everything comes rolling in. Then nothing, then swamped. And trying to keep things straight for which year, and the bazillion journal entries to go with it all.

I have been walking with my sister twice a week early in the am. We missed a day last week, and it totally messed me up. My whole body got kinda screw-y. We walked again on Thursday and again this morning, and I feel like I am getting back on schedule now. I never thought I would say that exercise was something that I would do, let alone wanted to do. Yikes.

Man, there is just not a lot rolling around in my head today. I guess I'm not feeling very random. I tried to at least.

Little Life Lessons

I was at Target. It had been a long day with S. He was being pretty good, all things considered. Shopping was not one of his strong suits. It still isn't as far as I can tell. We got to the checkout and I started plopping all the junk on the counter. This was always a big deal as S always had to ride in the back with his backpack and unload all his stuff to play with while I was shopping. We get all the stuff scanned, bagged and loaded back into the cart. We walked (I walk, he rides) over towards the door. I started picking all his "treasures" that must be carried with him everywhere he went. And trust me, that was no small task. The kid had more treasures than anyone I have ever known.

I got both of our coats on and off we went. We get to my car. (Man, I miss that car. That would be the one I wrecked twice, and boy was it my favorite car ever!) I loaded our bags into the trunk. I loaded S's backpack. I went to lift him out of the cart and realized that I had a small package laying in the cart still. It was the mascara that I had picked up. I knew immediately that I had not paid for it.

I pushed the cart right back into the store and went to the customer service desk. I took out the mascara and told the girl at the desk that I needed to pay for it. I found it in the bottom of the cart when I was unloading and now needed to pay. She stared at me. I said again that I needed to pay for the mascara. She actually asked me if I was for real. I had no idea what she meant. I said excuse me? She then proceeded to tell me that in the whole time she worked there, she had never heard of anyone coming back to pay for something that made it out of the store. I asked her again to please ring it up. She told me to wait just a minute. She picked up the phone and called someone. This faceless person showed up a moment later. It was a manager. She got the "story" from the girl behind the desk. She looked at me and said she didn't understand why I would bring it back in. I told them to just ring the mascara up so I could get on my way home. She rang it up and told me she was sorry for their reaction, but that this was unheard of. No one comes back in to pay for something once they are out.

My response to these two gals? I looked at them, then looked at my son, who was taking in everything that was being said. I then told them that I had to bring it back to pay. What kind of example would I be if I taught my son at four years old that it was okay to steal as long as no one catches you? What kind of person would I be in his eyes if he thought I was not trustworthy? What in the world could I have done differently that would not shape my son's view of life into something a little less positive and right? Nothing. I had to show him the proper way to live and be. The proper way to behave. I certainly was not going to teach my four year old that it's okay to steal. They were completely flabbergasted by that. They had never heard of anyone saying something like that.

I look back at this situation and have several thoughts. The first being, what kind of employees do these stores hire if they expect people to steal and are shocked when they don't. The whole planet is not a bunch of thieves.

The second being that I hope I made a good impression on all involved in the deal. I hope that my son learned a lesson that stealing is not okay. And I really, really hope that those two gals could look at people a little differently, and maybe not so cynically. Look at people and see that there might be some good in there.

Luck or Fate?

Do you believe in Luck?  Or maybe the Fates?

I joke that I have bad luck. My co-workers joke that my picture is in the dictionary next to the definition of bad luck, and that the old phrase of "If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all" was coined for me. I may say I have bad luck. However, I don't really believe in luck.

I am not a big believer of coincidence, either. I think things happen for a reason. I may not understand the reason. I may not like what is happening. But it is happening for a reason. I may not know the reason right away. I may not know the reason for a long, long time. It may be an enormous struggle getting through. One day, however, the reason will present itself.

For example, with my situation with S and my ex from hell. I did not understand it, why was it happening? Why did we all have to go through this? I came to terms with the hand I was dealt and waited. Not waited as in not trying to get my baby home, but waited to see why it happened.

I do believe this happened for a lot of reasons. First and foremost, it has strengthened my relationship with my son to an unbelievable level. We have a trust and love that we may not have had before this happened. We will always have this new connection.

Secondly, it gave me more patience. I have never been known for patience, just ask anyone in my family. I have a short temper and let it fly rather frequently. Now, I am calmer. I am less of a drama queen. I have learned the grace of patience. I no longer get as upset with S, or anyone for that matter, for little shit. Although when I am tired I do still tend to be short tempered. I try hard not too, but well, no one is perfect.

Third, I learned to stand up for myself. I have never been a total pushover, just let a lot of people walk on me before saying anything. Not so much anymore. I decided, when it came out,  the Rascall Flatts song, Stand is my anthem.

Fourth, I know that I will do my best to speak out for the other moms out there that get their kids taken for this bogus reason. Not everyone can or will learn the lessons that I have. Not everyone is going to find their inner strength. I want to be that strength for those women and their children. I want to be that voice.

Lastly, I met Mail Man. I have resisted posting about him every day. I want to. I really want to. I think that I have found my soulmate. I feel a connection with this man that I have never felt before. I told my friend K that I was having anxiety attacks. My heart races and I feel lightheaded. I feel like I can't breathe. She told me that is not anxiety, it is the rush of new love. I saw him walk around the building towards me and it started. I had not even talked to him in person at that point, just over the radio. He walked towards me and my heart knew.

My head was another story. I was not willing to admit anything. I wanted to date around. Meet new people. Have a great time. Not settle down with anyone. I wanted to live it up before it was time to move into the next phase of my life of bringing S home. I did not want to feel a connection to anyone. I would not be hurt again. No one would get into my heart and soul. No one would be able to get me to care. I knew that maybe, someday, way down the road, I might want a relationship. For now, my heart was to be locked up. No way was I letting it out to be broken. I did not even want to talk to anyone every day. Or text, or anything. I wanted space and a lot of it. Closeness terrified me.

As I was telling K how I was feeling she was laughing, loudly. She could not help it she said. All that emotion coming from the Queen of Distance. I'm pouring out my fears, well terror is more accurate, and she was laughing. She said that is how it hits. When you are least expecting it and when you aren't looking. Boy was she right. I have been blindsided, for the second time (the first was my ex taking S), in a major way.

I can no longer deny what I am feeling. I can no longer pretend that I am not connected. I want this. And I can admit it out loud that I want it. I want this connection. I want to love and be loved by this man. I feel that connection with my entire being. I can't get him off my mind. I think of him as much as I think about my son. That is saying something. I never thought that I would want to talk to someone daily. Especially never thought I would want to see someone everyday. I never thought I would wonder if a guy would be a good dad for my son (he will). I never thought I would have to wonder if a guy would not want S to come home to me or if he would be helping every step of the way to bring my baby home (he will do whatever he can-we've already talked about it. He knows that S is part of who I am, part of my package). We just fit together. (Get your mind out of the gutter, bitch, I don't mean that way.) I mean emotionally. And intellectually. We have awesome conversations. We have similar goals for our lives. He knows that I can be impatient, knows that I am stubborn, that I can be a slob. He realizes that I have flaws, just as I know he has them (like is his diet is atrocious and he does not want any pets in the house and I have three indoor kitties). We are discovering them as we keep talking. We do have differences. We just are both are willing to work through them. Which we will, because we can and do talk. A lot. I love listening to him talk to me and with me. I just love being with him. I like how good it feels to have his arms around me, just holding me. And the kisses? I tingle from head to toe and feel like I am glowing. When he holds me, it feels like he is my anchor holding me safe. I feel like I am home. I feel complete.

I am glad that destiny brought me down this path. I feel like big things will happen to me and for me this year. I feel the biggness looming out in front of me. I don't know if it will all be good, and some of it may be bad, but I feel it. I feel this new path I am on will be one of adventure. I feel alive. Thank you Fates.

Slow Down and Be a Slow Reader

Lots of us would like to say that we would like to be part of a book club. We say that we wish we had more time to read. We say that we wish we had time to get together to discuss said books. We just don't ever have time. We can't get out tonight for the meeting. We have a baby sleeping in the evenings. We have a sick kid. We have lots of excuses of why we can't. Well, now we can. I found a book club for the likes of me. The Slow Readers Book Club.

Excerpted: "Don't let the name fool you- it's not for literally slow readers (although, if you are, we don't judge) and it's not as exclusive as a 'club'. this is an opportunity to take part of a movement that needs a revelation to slow down and take a few minutes in our day to disconnect, reenergize and even be a part of helping our communities and environment, via The Slow Movement."

-Diana

The first book will be Half Broken Horses by Jeannette Walls. I am going to check my library to see if they have it before buying it. There will be two months to read the books, however, since this already started, it finishes on March 4th.  Go check out the website to sign in and be a part of the book discussion when we are all done reading! I am really excited to participate in this.

Roads Not Taken

Do you remember when you went to get your drivers license? I still do. And to this day, I still do not know how I passed. I think the lady felt bad for me. Or else she wanted to get the crazy hormonal teenager away from her. Yes, I was that girl that always had the periods during the months events. Like birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, whatever. If there was an occasion that month, I was PMSing.

Anyway, the drivers test. I had to wait until the day after my birthday to go and take the test and I was totally annoyed by that. I mean who the hell has to wait until the day after? Well, probably a lot of people, but a one-day-past-her-sixteenth-pms-from-hell-just-wants-her-friggin-license girl doesn't want to hear that. So off my mom and I go to the DL office. Then of course they are super busy cuz it is the only one for our entire county. I was hot (did I mention my birthday is in August?) and cranky and just wanted to take my test to get away from my mom. Because no teenage girl wants to sit anywhere with their mom. How uncool is that? Then my number is called and I get to go drive!! So we get in after checking that all the lights work okay and strap ourselves in. Because nobody wants to die in a car being driven by a teenager that hasn't even passed the test yet. So we drive around this area called Friendly town. That way when you already have your license you know to avoid that area of town so you don't get run over by a new driver.

Anyway, I am super nervous, cuz failing is not an option. How embarrassing would that be since all my friends passed the first time. Why yes, I was the youngest of my friends. So after making a series of small mistakes that apparently don't count off for too much, I turn the wrong way. She says turn one way, and I totally go the opposite way. It wasn't on a one way road at least. I freaked out. I started saying over and over how I realized that I just went the wrong way. I went the wrong way. Do you want me to turn around? Where can I turn around at? Do you just want me to go around the block? I can try to use someone's driveway and turn around! Do you follow some sort of path and we totally need to turn around to get us back on track?

At this point, I think the poor lady wanted to jump from my car as I am driving down the road. She keeps telling me that it's okay, don't panic. Stay the direction we are going. It was not any particular route. We can go anywhere. It's okay. It's okay. While secretly crossing her fingers hoping to make it out alive.

She then directs us right back the the DL office. I'm still not sure she thought we would make it. Can you imagine how scary a job that must be? But anyway we get back and I am near tears saying I understand that she can't pass me because I can't even follow directions. I will just come back. How long do I have to wait before I can try again? Can it be the next day? She grimaces and says I passed and there is no need to come back. You think she was trying to get rid of me? Well, regardless, I got my mug shot and got my plastic. And of course life was never the same. Especially since I totalled my mom's car a few months later. Yeah. Good times.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Keely over at The UnMom is host to our random-ness. Check her out.

Let's dive right into some random-ness:

I get really annoyed with the co-workers that think they should come to work when they are sick. That is why we have personal days. Take a day or two off instead of coming to work to spread your coughing, sore throat self around. Because we don't want that. At all. Except now, I am starting to feel it. Echinacea here I come.

I love snow, but hate winter. Not really sure how that works. I love to watch it snow and see it all pile up, but I want to watch it from inside where it is nice and warm. Then I want it to melt off the next day, maybe two days. I just do not like being cold. With low blood pressure, cold hands and feet are standard and snow covered cold hands and feet do not mix.

I picked up my boots from the cobbler on Saturday. Then forgot to wear them today in the snow. Guess that is why no one has accused me of having it all together lately.

I was off work yesterday with a reason I shall share another day. When I come back today, I have piles waitng for me. Why is it that work happens that way? Is there some cardinal universal rule that says every time you take a day off, everyone else is super productive and puts all their projects on to your desk for the next step? I know I am not the only one this happens to. It happens to all us people, so it must be universal.

I think I figured out the secret to my losing weight. I have been eating breakfast. I have read many times that eating breakfast is the best way to lose weight or keep your weight down. And the best part? Breakfast is usually Hardees or McDonalds. Not good for me, I know, but fast and easy. And on my way to work. If this keeps up, I might even start to eat donuts again. Mmmmmm. Donuts. Lovely. Tasty. Sweet. Deliciousness.

It's starting to look like I will totally be driving in the bad weather again on my trip down. It seems like for the last 4-6 trips there has been snow and slick roads on the way down and on the way back. WTH happened to global warming? Where is my warm(er) weather instead of all these crazy piles of snow?

I think my brain just froze up. I am done. See you tomorrow.

Site of the Week Saturday

Just pretend this is Saturday. I scheduled the post, but, again, blogspot is smarter than me.


I am back with the site of the week Saturday. This week it goes to Aunt Becky over at Mommy Wants Vodka. This mommy is hysterical and real. She's keepin it real, yo. Go check her out. She's just tellin it like it is.

And I mean hysterical as in funny, not running around like a crazy woman, although I would not put that past Aunt Becky.