Luck or Fate?

Do you believe in Luck?  Or maybe the Fates?

I joke that I have bad luck. My co-workers joke that my picture is in the dictionary next to the definition of bad luck, and that the old phrase of "If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all" was coined for me. I may say I have bad luck. However, I don't really believe in luck.

I am not a big believer of coincidence, either. I think things happen for a reason. I may not understand the reason. I may not like what is happening. But it is happening for a reason. I may not know the reason right away. I may not know the reason for a long, long time. It may be an enormous struggle getting through. One day, however, the reason will present itself.

For example, with my situation with S and my ex from hell. I did not understand it, why was it happening? Why did we all have to go through this? I came to terms with the hand I was dealt and waited. Not waited as in not trying to get my baby home, but waited to see why it happened.

I do believe this happened for a lot of reasons. First and foremost, it has strengthened my relationship with my son to an unbelievable level. We have a trust and love that we may not have had before this happened. We will always have this new connection.

Secondly, it gave me more patience. I have never been known for patience, just ask anyone in my family. I have a short temper and let it fly rather frequently. Now, I am calmer. I am less of a drama queen. I have learned the grace of patience. I no longer get as upset with S, or anyone for that matter, for little shit. Although when I am tired I do still tend to be short tempered. I try hard not too, but well, no one is perfect.

Third, I learned to stand up for myself. I have never been a total pushover, just let a lot of people walk on me before saying anything. Not so much anymore. I decided, when it came out,  the Rascall Flatts song, Stand is my anthem.

Fourth, I know that I will do my best to speak out for the other moms out there that get their kids taken for this bogus reason. Not everyone can or will learn the lessons that I have. Not everyone is going to find their inner strength. I want to be that strength for those women and their children. I want to be that voice.

Lastly, I met Mail Man. I have resisted posting about him every day. I want to. I really want to. I think that I have found my soulmate. I feel a connection with this man that I have never felt before. I told my friend K that I was having anxiety attacks. My heart races and I feel lightheaded. I feel like I can't breathe. She told me that is not anxiety, it is the rush of new love. I saw him walk around the building towards me and it started. I had not even talked to him in person at that point, just over the radio. He walked towards me and my heart knew.

My head was another story. I was not willing to admit anything. I wanted to date around. Meet new people. Have a great time. Not settle down with anyone. I wanted to live it up before it was time to move into the next phase of my life of bringing S home. I did not want to feel a connection to anyone. I would not be hurt again. No one would get into my heart and soul. No one would be able to get me to care. I knew that maybe, someday, way down the road, I might want a relationship. For now, my heart was to be locked up. No way was I letting it out to be broken. I did not even want to talk to anyone every day. Or text, or anything. I wanted space and a lot of it. Closeness terrified me.

As I was telling K how I was feeling she was laughing, loudly. She could not help it she said. All that emotion coming from the Queen of Distance. I'm pouring out my fears, well terror is more accurate, and she was laughing. She said that is how it hits. When you are least expecting it and when you aren't looking. Boy was she right. I have been blindsided, for the second time (the first was my ex taking S), in a major way.

I can no longer deny what I am feeling. I can no longer pretend that I am not connected. I want this. And I can admit it out loud that I want it. I want this connection. I want to love and be loved by this man. I feel that connection with my entire being. I can't get him off my mind. I think of him as much as I think about my son. That is saying something. I never thought that I would want to talk to someone daily. Especially never thought I would want to see someone everyday. I never thought I would wonder if a guy would be a good dad for my son (he will). I never thought I would have to wonder if a guy would not want S to come home to me or if he would be helping every step of the way to bring my baby home (he will do whatever he can-we've already talked about it. He knows that S is part of who I am, part of my package). We just fit together. (Get your mind out of the gutter, bitch, I don't mean that way.) I mean emotionally. And intellectually. We have awesome conversations. We have similar goals for our lives. He knows that I can be impatient, knows that I am stubborn, that I can be a slob. He realizes that I have flaws, just as I know he has them (like is his diet is atrocious and he does not want any pets in the house and I have three indoor kitties). We are discovering them as we keep talking. We do have differences. We just are both are willing to work through them. Which we will, because we can and do talk. A lot. I love listening to him talk to me and with me. I just love being with him. I like how good it feels to have his arms around me, just holding me. And the kisses? I tingle from head to toe and feel like I am glowing. When he holds me, it feels like he is my anchor holding me safe. I feel like I am home. I feel complete.

I am glad that destiny brought me down this path. I feel like big things will happen to me and for me this year. I feel the biggness looming out in front of me. I don't know if it will all be good, and some of it may be bad, but I feel it. I feel this new path I am on will be one of adventure. I feel alive. Thank you Fates.

Slow Down and Be a Slow Reader

Lots of us would like to say that we would like to be part of a book club. We say that we wish we had more time to read. We say that we wish we had time to get together to discuss said books. We just don't ever have time. We can't get out tonight for the meeting. We have a baby sleeping in the evenings. We have a sick kid. We have lots of excuses of why we can't. Well, now we can. I found a book club for the likes of me. The Slow Readers Book Club.

Excerpted: "Don't let the name fool you- it's not for literally slow readers (although, if you are, we don't judge) and it's not as exclusive as a 'club'. this is an opportunity to take part of a movement that needs a revelation to slow down and take a few minutes in our day to disconnect, reenergize and even be a part of helping our communities and environment, via The Slow Movement."

-Diana

The first book will be Half Broken Horses by Jeannette Walls. I am going to check my library to see if they have it before buying it. There will be two months to read the books, however, since this already started, it finishes on March 4th.  Go check out the website to sign in and be a part of the book discussion when we are all done reading! I am really excited to participate in this.

Roads Not Taken

Do you remember when you went to get your drivers license? I still do. And to this day, I still do not know how I passed. I think the lady felt bad for me. Or else she wanted to get the crazy hormonal teenager away from her. Yes, I was that girl that always had the periods during the months events. Like birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, whatever. If there was an occasion that month, I was PMSing.

Anyway, the drivers test. I had to wait until the day after my birthday to go and take the test and I was totally annoyed by that. I mean who the hell has to wait until the day after? Well, probably a lot of people, but a one-day-past-her-sixteenth-pms-from-hell-just-wants-her-friggin-license girl doesn't want to hear that. So off my mom and I go to the DL office. Then of course they are super busy cuz it is the only one for our entire county. I was hot (did I mention my birthday is in August?) and cranky and just wanted to take my test to get away from my mom. Because no teenage girl wants to sit anywhere with their mom. How uncool is that? Then my number is called and I get to go drive!! So we get in after checking that all the lights work okay and strap ourselves in. Because nobody wants to die in a car being driven by a teenager that hasn't even passed the test yet. So we drive around this area called Friendly town. That way when you already have your license you know to avoid that area of town so you don't get run over by a new driver.

Anyway, I am super nervous, cuz failing is not an option. How embarrassing would that be since all my friends passed the first time. Why yes, I was the youngest of my friends. So after making a series of small mistakes that apparently don't count off for too much, I turn the wrong way. She says turn one way, and I totally go the opposite way. It wasn't on a one way road at least. I freaked out. I started saying over and over how I realized that I just went the wrong way. I went the wrong way. Do you want me to turn around? Where can I turn around at? Do you just want me to go around the block? I can try to use someone's driveway and turn around! Do you follow some sort of path and we totally need to turn around to get us back on track?

At this point, I think the poor lady wanted to jump from my car as I am driving down the road. She keeps telling me that it's okay, don't panic. Stay the direction we are going. It was not any particular route. We can go anywhere. It's okay. It's okay. While secretly crossing her fingers hoping to make it out alive.

She then directs us right back the the DL office. I'm still not sure she thought we would make it. Can you imagine how scary a job that must be? But anyway we get back and I am near tears saying I understand that she can't pass me because I can't even follow directions. I will just come back. How long do I have to wait before I can try again? Can it be the next day? She grimaces and says I passed and there is no need to come back. You think she was trying to get rid of me? Well, regardless, I got my mug shot and got my plastic. And of course life was never the same. Especially since I totalled my mom's car a few months later. Yeah. Good times.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Keely over at The UnMom is host to our random-ness. Check her out.

Let's dive right into some random-ness:

I get really annoyed with the co-workers that think they should come to work when they are sick. That is why we have personal days. Take a day or two off instead of coming to work to spread your coughing, sore throat self around. Because we don't want that. At all. Except now, I am starting to feel it. Echinacea here I come.

I love snow, but hate winter. Not really sure how that works. I love to watch it snow and see it all pile up, but I want to watch it from inside where it is nice and warm. Then I want it to melt off the next day, maybe two days. I just do not like being cold. With low blood pressure, cold hands and feet are standard and snow covered cold hands and feet do not mix.

I picked up my boots from the cobbler on Saturday. Then forgot to wear them today in the snow. Guess that is why no one has accused me of having it all together lately.

I was off work yesterday with a reason I shall share another day. When I come back today, I have piles waitng for me. Why is it that work happens that way? Is there some cardinal universal rule that says every time you take a day off, everyone else is super productive and puts all their projects on to your desk for the next step? I know I am not the only one this happens to. It happens to all us people, so it must be universal.

I think I figured out the secret to my losing weight. I have been eating breakfast. I have read many times that eating breakfast is the best way to lose weight or keep your weight down. And the best part? Breakfast is usually Hardees or McDonalds. Not good for me, I know, but fast and easy. And on my way to work. If this keeps up, I might even start to eat donuts again. Mmmmmm. Donuts. Lovely. Tasty. Sweet. Deliciousness.

It's starting to look like I will totally be driving in the bad weather again on my trip down. It seems like for the last 4-6 trips there has been snow and slick roads on the way down and on the way back. WTH happened to global warming? Where is my warm(er) weather instead of all these crazy piles of snow?

I think my brain just froze up. I am done. See you tomorrow.

Site of the Week Saturday

Just pretend this is Saturday. I scheduled the post, but, again, blogspot is smarter than me.


I am back with the site of the week Saturday. This week it goes to Aunt Becky over at Mommy Wants Vodka. This mommy is hysterical and real. She's keepin it real, yo. Go check her out. She's just tellin it like it is.

And I mean hysterical as in funny, not running around like a crazy woman, although I would not put that past Aunt Becky.

I Am So In Charge

Well, I have made a command decision. I just like the way that sounds. Like I am actually in charge of something. Or that I am in control of the household. Wait, I am the household. So, dammit, I am in charge of the household. I am so in charge. Go me, Go me. I'm the boss. Okay, okay, I just went too far. I certainly don't need that to go to my head.

Anyway, my decision. I am going to throw a ton of shit away. Now, before that can make any sense to you, I have to go back. Go back in time. Close your eyes, you are getting sleepy, and now the clock is turning backwards. NO, wait that's what the shrink is supposed to say.

Way back when S was taken by his dad, I was getting ready to move into my new house. Well, not a new house, it's a wonderful old house, but new to me. I had sort of started packing and had a couple of big bags of trash that I wanted to get rid of before moving. Mostly this consisted of things like scratch paper that S had drawn on, old clothes not fit to pass on, you know, that sort of junk stuff that seems to accumulate and grow and multiply like rabbits. Then I found out that S wasn't coming home. I refused to part with it. It was a connection for me to him. I would get rid of it after the next court date. Then the next one. Then the next one. You see where this is going? Hmmm?

Then, of course, S keeps getting older and bigger. He can no longer wear the clothes that I had for him. He no longer will play, nor should he, with all the toys I had for him. Most of the books are well under his reading ability. There are some that will be right up his alley now, though. But, I could not part with it. It was like a talisman that he would come home so long as I kept everything to show that I loved him whole-heartedly. If I kept all the stuff he would be home soon.

Well, we see how that is going. Three years later, I still have no son home and a house full of shit that I can't use, don't need, and should have pitched a long time ago.

/Insert command decision here./
I am purging this weekend. All of it is going bye-bye. Either the clothes-with tags still on mind you-will go to the womens shelter for the kids they bring in with them or the salvation army. The toys will meet the same fate. And the trash? It will find it's rightful home in the dumpster. And when I am done, I shall feel lighter. I shall feel rejuvinated. I shall feel less burdened. And I will still have hope that my son will come home. Whether or not I save his pictures and drawings from when he was three has absolutely no bearing on when he comes home. And I shall not be a slave any longer to the superstitions of, umm, goofyness. That is the only word I can come up for that. I told my mom that the saved items do not make the memories, the memories are in my brain, however fogged up it may be. (Which it wouldn't be so fogged up if I was getting some sleep. Which would happen if I stayed home instead running out to meet the Mail Man.) The memories are just that, my memories. Saving the paper doesn't make it stay longer. I won't forget the times we had sitting at the table together drawing and playing silly games, whether I keep the drawing or not. And when I start to lose the memories in old age, well, I won't know that I am losing the memory. So therefore, I have lost nothing.

I will also turn up the music this weekend while I am purging. I will even have a good time doing it. I shall dance around my house while cleaning it out. I will have a good time and lose nothing of importance. I will remember. And move forward. ( And I really need to stop using sentance fragments too, but that is neither here nor there.)

Mail Man

Well, Mail Man is actually available. And also cute. And also nice, smart, has manners, is respectful, and totally funny. He has kept me laughing for days. And a good kisser. He is a dad, so he understands about me trying to get S back, and that being a mom is a big important part of who I am. He has already told me that he understands the difficulties of being a single mom, because his mom was as well. She has since remarried, so that gives me hope.

Anyway, Mail Man. All I can say right now is wow. I already talked to him about not wanting or being able to make a commitment yet, and that I need to take this super slow and easy. He is actually okay with that and is not pressuring me at all over anything. He has not told me that he plans on changing me. He does not talk down to me. He does not act as if he needs to take care of me, or make my decisions. He is accepting of the things that I talked about with him. We agree on a lot, but not everything. He does live down south. It's a couple of hours from where my ex lives. So close enough that I can see him on my way down and back, but not so close that I would ever see my ex while there. Not that I don't want my ex to see me with someone, but because I don't want to subject anyone to my ex. I can also see him as he comes through my area on his route. I have met up with him a few times now. I have enjoyed all the time we have had together. And big plus, he has not critisized my friends or family. He knows that I am a daddy's girl and thinks that it's cute and funny. He knows by now that I am extremely stubborn and says that's okay, he is too. I am sure at some point we are going to butt heads and it may not be pretty. We talked about some of the goals we have in life and some of the things that we believe in, like morals and responsibility. And we seem to be on the same page for most of it. Particularly the lying and cheating that I talked about yesterday. He's not cool with that kind of behavior either. It is really nice to know that there are single guys out there with morals. And that they are not crazy. Well, at least he is not crazy yet. It's still early and you never know what will happen. He might be some kind of psycho ax murderer wanted in ten states. Or he could have some weirdo fetish that totally creeps me out. Like maybe eating toe jam. Or flashing his wonker in public. You never know. But this time, I really hope that we both stick around to find out. It could be fun.

**I would just lik to add that Mail Man is getting divorced, not single. I realized after posting that I put single as if he is not married and already divorced. The divorce is in process. He is available though.

Morals and All That Jazz

Okay boys and girls. On to guy number two. "C" as we shall call him. Totally hot C, by the way in case I didn't mention that yet. I did? Well it was certainly worth mentioning again. Yeah, we went out a couple of times. We had coffee, stopped just to chat, stopped by to chat another time, with kisses. Then I didn't hear from him for like a week. Whatever, it's not like I hopped in the sack with him, so no loss. Then out of the blue, he calls back. Yeah let's get together again. I am thinking at this point that he seems like a really nice guy. So we get together and we're chatting, and oopsy. He let this slip- not sure if on accident or on purpose. Here we go, are you ready for it? He is married. The bast***. No ring on, of course. I obviously would have noticed that before. So, I tell him that I am not cool with that. He starts talking about how unhappy they are and that he doesn't want to be married to her, he only stays for his kids. Well, that just makes it all better doesn't it? (do you hear the snarky in there?) What did he think I was born yesterday? It can't be all that bad if you are still married, dude. I left. So Strike Out again.

Don't forget that in the meantime is when I went out with my friend for New Year's Eve. I know that guy is not an avenue to pursue for a relationship, but he is a good guy and a good friend. Just what a guy wants to hear, I know.

But, don't get discouraged, the story shall continue. I met another guy at the bar one night while sitting there with my dad. I was just sitting there drinking my Diet Pepsi and here he comes. Another cutie. I talk to him for a bit, give him my number and make plans to see him the next day. We meet and play a couple of games of pool. Then the next day comes the next round of bad news. Yeah, he's married too. And oh, so unhappy. I got the same story. WTF? Can't they even come up with a new story, something flambouyant and different, at least, like- she is a pod person, she had been abducted by aliens and is no longer the person he met and fell in love with. He couldn't possibly be happy with the pod person/alien and now he certainly needs to get out there and play the field again so the new girl can be the sacrifice to the aliens when he tries to rescue his wife. And what is it with married guys that don't wear their wedding rings. That was rhetorical of course. They can't pick someone up if they are proudly sporting a wedding band. So Stike Out, again. The next one that hit on me was upfront about it, sort of. After we have dinner, he told me he has a girlfriend, but it's not serious, would I like to go out again? Um, what do you mean by girlfriend but not serious? If the relationship is serious enough to call her your girlfriend, it's too serious for us to go out. Yeah, well, she is more serious than him, she stays at his house a lot, but he doesn't want to marry her, so he's still playing the field, trying to find the right girl. Umm, Strike Out. For him, not me. Even if he does have a nice house and an awesome truck.

I had just about given up with the cute guys, thinking they must all be taken. Cuz while the nice, but not totally cute guys that I've dated wind up crazy and nuts, the cute ones all end up "involved" in some way or another. Well, I won't give up. Even if they turn out to be crazy or taken, I'm still having fun, and getting a lot of free dinners out. I would not have paid to eat out this many times. I just know now to ask first. Are you married, happily or not? Are you living with someone? Do you have a girlfriend, and by girlfriend, I mean anyone that you are seeing that maybe you don't think is serious but she does and you have been out more than once or twice or perhaps met her parents?

Seriously, what is wrong with guys in general that this behavior is okay? I mean, I get it, I am a nut magnet. But WTF is wrong with this picture that all of these guys are attached to someone else and they are out there flirting and hitting on girls. Is nothing sacred anymore? Are there no morals anymore? Don't people have internal moral compasses that prevents them from doing this kind of stuff. Like CHEATING!?!?!? How is that okay in their book? Just because you are not happily married does not give you the right to cheat on your spouse. If these guys were not happily married, why are they still married? I was married and unhappy, so I got divorced. I was "involved" with my son's dad (capt obvious there) and when things went bad, I din't stay and cheat on him. I left. I don't know that they are truely unhappy. Or maybe they are, but just aren't man enough to do the right thing. In which case I don't want them anyway. And if they think it's okay to step out now, they will most certainly think it's okay later. That won't be on me. I don't play that game. But I do keep trying. I will tell you about Mail Man next.

Just Call Me BI***

Holy Hell and Halleluiah! I am back into my single digit pants. I put on my clothes this morning and wasn't really paying attention. I had some work pants that were not in the right spot (I am anal and the clothes are in "order" with capris, then work pants, then jeans, all from lightest to darkest-it's no wonder I HATE to put things away-can you say OCD! and run-on sentence) and after trying on clothes the other day and moving things around after trying them on based on what fit, didn't fit and were too big now. I could not remember why I moved these pants (hell, I can hardly remember anything anymore) and so I put the other pair of pants in their rightful home and put these on. I finished getting dressed.

I just went to the bathroom (okay nothing gross here) and was sitting on the pot, obviously, and looked at the tags on my pants. Come on, admit it, you guys look at your tags when you go to the bathroom too, RIGHT? I am not weird? Please say yes you look too, or else I will totally know why I attract the weirdos.

They are single digits!!!!! They are 8's. I know why now that I moved these pants. Two weeks ago I could not get them on and they were moved because I did not want to try to wear them before work and realize that I could not get them on and feel fat. Cuz, you know, that totally ruins your whole day. Walking around the whole day feeling fat is such a downer.

Now here comes the weirdest part. I have not dieted for the past two to three weeks. I have lived off pizza, Mickie D's other fast food. I don't think I have cooked anything except for popcorn, if that counts as cooking. In addition to all the alcohol that has been running through my system for the past several days. (Marguaritas with my BFF K on Friday and lots of Smirnoff Ice on Saturday. Oh and some celebratory shots that I don't even know what they were, but they were a pretty color. Another friend was celebrating on Saturday and of course I had to help her!) How in the hell did I lose weight while eating/drinking like this? And can I bottle it to share with the rest of the ladies in the world? Cuz I know for damn sure that if I could bottle this and everyone could do the same, I would totally be rich. And SKINNY. And so would you. I would totally share it with you, Friends. We would be rich and skinny together. Cuz it's always more fun together. Wait, I am talking about being skinny here, keep your mind out of the gutter, although that is more fun together than alone as well.....

Nut Magnet

Apparently I attract the weirdos. And I am not sure they are harmless.

Let me start by telling you why I was not dating. A few years ago I ran into this guy who seemed super nice. We chatted for a while and I gave him my phone number. He was divorced like me. He did not have any kids, but his exwife had a kid with her previous husband and was the "dad". He had a steady job. He had manners. All good points. Then he started calling. And calling. Then started talking about his exwife in terms of wife, not ex. Then told me she got a restraining order from him, but he just did not know why. He just wanted to see her and the kid. UM, dude, you can stop calling me now. He did not stop calling for at least a week, until I stopped answering his phone calls. Blechhhhh.

Fast forward several months. I meet another guy. Same story, steady job, lived a little closer than the last guy, not married but had kids. Spent some time talking on the phone and he was nice enough. About a three days into this, I get a text message. I asked him to not send them because I did not have a plan for texting and had to pay for them. He says okay. Then a few days later, I get a text message again. At three in the morning.  I am sorry, but no one, I mean NO ONE had better send me a text message at three in the fucking morning unless someone is dying or dead. And what pray-tell was so important to tell me at 3 am? He was IN LOVE WITH ME!!!!! Oh no, no no no no no. NO YOU DON'T. You do not love me after a week. So I sent back a snarky text message telling him that I didn't want to hear that and I thought I said no more text messages. Oh, but he thought I would want to know and he's sorry to send the message. To which I responded then stop sending these. I don't want a text message and I don't want to talk to you anymore. To which he responds he really is sorry and please will I keep talking to him? DELETE. I blocked his number too.

So that is why I did not date. I attract the freaks. The weirdos. The stalker crazy dudes that will kill you if you go behind the building with them. Then I started my dating recently again. I decided to take advantage of my son not being home and needing to find babysitters to go out. I thought, Self, you might as well do something now while you can. Get out there and see if you can meet Mr. Right For Now. See what happens, see where it leads. And if it's the bedroom, that is A-OK. Everyone needs a little love. Go get some.
Then I am introduced to guy number one. We will call him H. And he is a texter. Fortunately I have unlimited everything on my phone now so at least I was not paying for the million individual texts that he sent. A little over the top, but harmless as far as things go. He comes over to visit and hang out one evening. No hanky panky, just chatting. He goes home and sends me text messages on his way home. WTF? You were just here. What ever dude. Then he calls the next night. I asked him about sending the text messages and he said he just really enjoyed talking to me and was sad the evening was over. Whatevs dude. Except we end up talking on the phone for a long time. I did enjoy the conversation, but this was totally monopolizing my time. He says he won't be able to talk the next day because he had church the following evening and he was going to take his mom as she doesn't drive. Fine by me. I needed to get ready for my trip to see S. Except he showed up at my house. No church after all. He wasn't going because his mom didn't want to go. Ok, well I have to pack some. No problem, he can chat while I get my stuff ready. I tell him tomorrow will not be good as it was my last day home before my trip and I wanted to get more stuff done that I had been putting off. He calls and can he pretty please come over. Whatever, I have stuff to do. He comes over and stays way too late, despite me\y efforts to get him out early and get to bed. Then sends me text messages all day and evening on Friday wishing me a good trip and a good time. I don't respond. First of all I was driving and second of all I need a break.
As I was leaving though, on Friday, I put it out there to the universe that if I was supposed to be with H and we should keep talking, let the radio be silent and no one flirt with me. Dead ass radio on Friday night. I wondered if I had my answer. I had a good time with S. Then as I am dropping S off at his dad's I get another text from him. Now, dude, I told you I would not be available until at least Monday. BACK OFF. I ignore the first couple of texts. Then I get pissed, pull over at a gas station and tell him that it was my weekend with my son and I had no interest in talking to him. I would see him when I got home. He sends one back and said that no problem your son should always come first. I chose to not answer that one because if he thought my son should come first, then why was he bothering me with text messages? And what do you know? The radio was not silent. The guys on the road chatted with me. I actually drove for a long time (many miles and hours) with the same drivers chatting back and forth. We even stopped to get coffee together. I think I got my answer. If I was even interested in stopping to talk to someone new, I was not that interested in H.

He wanted to come over Monday night and I told him no. Then he did end up coming over a couple of days later with some movies he thought I would enjoy. He brought me chick flicks and love movies. WTF? I like scary movies and slasher movies and action movies. The gory-er the better. Since when did he think I would watch a chick flick. I even told him that I didn't like those kind of movies. Then he starts telling me how he would change me and how he would go about changing someone like me that does not like to be told what to do. I got pissed. I told him he was not going to change me and if he didn't like hearing me cuss/watch scary movies/whatever, he could leave, I fucking cuss and he can get the fuck over it. He just laughed and smiled like I was a child and he was indulging me. I did not have him over or talk to him for a few days so I could digest what he told me. I talked to my friend about it cuz I did not want to over react, even though I had met someone new just the past weekend that I prefered talking to.

When I next talked to H, I was telling him how I talked to my friend about some problems that she was having with her daughter and misbehaving. The bastard had the audacity to say my friend must be a bad mom because his kids did not behave badly. What?! You don't ever insult my friends. EVER motherfucker. I told him that was completely asinine on his part to assume that and that I was pissed that he would think that without any shred of evidence showing that. What kind of people do you think I hang out with? And how can you just assume that she's a bad mom because her daughter is acting out? I wasn't looking for advice, just sharing something that made me feel bad because I could not help my friend. My best friend no less, and someone I have been friends with for over 20 years. NO ONE insults my friends. I asked him to leave at that point. I even tried to give back his (unwatched) movies and he would not take them. I knew at that point we would not ever last long term. He could not do even the simplest thing to my satisfaction. All I wanted was for him to take his movies back and he wouldn't. Even though he knew I would not watch them. Then the new text messages started in earnest. Beginning the next day with text messages wanting to know where I was. How much he missed me, he wanted to talk to me, he wanted to see me again. I finally got pissed and texted back to him that I did not want him to miss me and which part of I did not want a relationship with him did he not get. He got pissed finally and said that maybe we should go our seperate ways. No hard feelings. What? I already have hard feelings you dumbass. You insulted my friend and treated me like an idiot that needs someone to tell me how to behave. So I responded as nicely as I possibly could that yes that is (obviously) what I wanted and we should both move on. I would get his movies back to him some other time when I was available to get them to him.

I did not share with him, obviously, that I had already moved on and was talking to guy number two, whom we shall call C. Who by the way was totally hot. And way sexy. And interested in me too. And thought I was hot too. Now, I ask you, who doesn't want a totally hot guy that thinks you are totally hot too? But more on that tomorrow.

A DATE!!!!!

Not that kind of date! The important kind.

We have the first date set for the depositions/hearings/yada-yada! One step closer to bringing my son home!!!! I am so excited. I have been telling everyone here at work.Called a few people. Sent the text messages. And now, Interwebz, I am telling you good people. I have the first date set up. Yippee and more yippee's!

Mmmmm. A New Love Affair.

Wonder who will find me with that title? Hee hee.

I want to admit to my new love affair that I have going on. Now, remember as I am telling you this that I am so not girly. Or prissy. Or anything but casual. And try not to laugh too hard when you are remembering that I love flannel and jeans and going bare foot. And that I hate pink anything.

My new love is sparkly. It is shiny. It is tasty. It is lip gloss. I have found that I cannot get enough of it. I run around with like three or four different kinds at a time. Just in case. I have about 8 different kinds now. I wear it as soon as I get up in the morning and put it on all the way up to bedtime. I have all kinds of colors and flavors. Lots of variety depending on my mood. And who I plan on kissing. *snort-giggle* I am just kidding about that. Mostly. Sort of.

I just hope this doesn't mean that I am going to get all girly.

Redneck Girl

I am going out this Friday with my friend K. We will be going out later in the evening as I have to make my call to my son and she wants to get at least the baby in bed before heading out. We are going to go to the "cheers bar". I call it that because it reminds of that bar. Except rated R. Everyone knows your name. Which is nice because no matter when I go in, I can find someone to sit with. It also sucks because every time I'm there, everyone knows who I am. I am my father's daughter and since he hangs out there, ALL that I do is reported back to him. Not that he cares. He is kind of  is a male slut. I tell him this, so even if he found this, he would not be offended. He would probably laugh and say I got that right. Anyway, I know most of the folks there and they know me, so it is nice to go in and have a good laugh about something. Or someone, or both. Never look for sympathy at a bar. You will never receive it.

My cheers bar has Karoake, bands, poker tournaments, pool league, and dart league. There is always some kind of activity. They also have really good food. Friday is Karoake night.  This is the night K wants to go out. She loves to sing. I can totally not sing. Well I can sing, I just suck at it. So I only sing in the car or to my cats. They love my singing. At least they don't claw my tongue out or hide. I do love music though. And a surprising amount of people can sing there. Just not me. But maybe I will have a few and sing a duet. Hopefully no one would throw up then. I just hope we can go. The weather is terrible here. It snowed a lot and now the wind is blowing. I just want it to stop before tomorrow. We totally need a girls night out. We haven't been out as grown ups for probably a few years. We always wind up at one anothers house with all our children screaming and playing in the background. Which is a wonderful sound, but difficult to have an adult conversation. What fun it will be!!!

Now I have a question. At what point do you tell the guy(s) that you are dating that you have a blog? And that you intend to post about your dates. Or do you tell? Do I just keep myself anonymous out here and post all the fun I had on my dates and not tell them for fear they would want to read it? Cuz I really want to start posting about all my dates and nights out for you to read ignore. And do you even want to know about the dates? Cuz I'm dying to share more details about my NYE date with all my Interwebz friends. I gotta share it with someone. Just maybe post that it will be rated PG-13  R from now on? I don't want to offend you all, but I am really really dying to let my true self show. I keep my language tempered, watch how I phrase things, etc.  That's not really me. I am a drinking cussing redneck kind of girl. I want to get my shine back. Much to my mom and sister's consternation. I drive them nuts. We clash a lot. They drive me nuts. But I do love them. Preppy and Girly and all. I tried to be like them and felt all stuffy and boring. I have way more fun my way. Just hope that you will stick with me.

Soooo, I guess maybe I should just issue a warning that Look Out, Here I Come!

Rabbits and Turtles

Me texting: I actually have a date for NYE!!!

My friend K texting back: Fantastic! Where are u going and what are u doing?

Me: Dinner and the "cheers bar", then I don't know yet.

K: Dinner where?

Me: I did not ask that yet either. Somewhere here in town.

Me: What do I wear? I wanna wear jeans. I like jeans.

K: U can wear jeans, just wear a sexy top with it. Black is a good color. And a nice necklace to go with it.
Me: I don't own anything sexy, or black, or a necklace. Wait, I have the shirt I took from ur house, it's black, but not sexy. But still no jewelry.

K: Ok, then...

Me: I could maybe wear a tank top under the black not sexy shirt? And still no necklace.

K: That would work. M (her husband) says to wear a short shirt and a thong. LOL

Me: I want to go out, not hump like rabbits. No thongs. Don't own one anyway.

K: LOL, M says if not like rabbits at least like turtles....

Me: Not funny. Well yes it is.


I'm still not sure how I managed to pull myself together for the date. But I did. And no rabbits or turtles that evening. I think I must have done something wrong.....

New Years Eve Meme, But a Bit Late. As Usual.

Since I never seem to do anything on time, except pick up my son for our visit, I will now do a New Years Eve meme. I mean, I'd rather be late and make an appearance than never show up at all. And WTH, where'd my spell check button go?

I stole borrowed this from Mommy Wants Vodka, and thought now that the new year is firmly in place, it could be time to look back on the last one. So here goes. I'll at least answer the ones I can remember. Cuz, you know, this is a lot of questions.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Nothing, Man how lame.....Oh wait, I went out on a date for New Years Eve. That counts right?

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I kept some, and of course lowered my standards for this year. Not so many.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Nope, and I feel very blessed for that.

5. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

More money, a sex  love life.

6. What countries did you visit?

*snort* none, I have never been out of the country. Unless you count the area I visit when I go see my son, but that's more like a totally different planet.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why:

The date we went to court to find out that we did get to have a hearing: November 24.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Ummmmm, I'll have to get back to you on that one.......

9. What was your biggest failure?

I would totally have to go with the drain incident.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

None. I take it back. I was sick once at the very first part of the year with food poisoning. Remember the peanut butter? Yeah? It was all recalled? Yeah, I had some of that.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My van.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine. I did not threaten or kill my ex.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My ex. I cannot believe that people would actually behave like him on purpose.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Court costs, trips down south, my cats.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I thought my son would be coming home before the end of 2009. Bummer, it did not happen-story of my life.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

She's Country by Jason Aldean. I just love that song. And I'm a redneck girl. I even wear flannel shirts to work with my dress pants. Mostly just to annoy everyone.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier

ii. thinner or fatter?    Thinner - Man I love sayin' that.

iii. richer or poorer? poorer in money, richer in spirit - ok that will be the only hokey answer I promise.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Get out more.. See my friends more.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Dishes.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Well, I already spent Christmas. I was driving. With my mom.

21. There was no #21. I don’t know why there was no 21.
I’ll make up my own question here, then. Hmmm.
Name one random thing that people would be surprised to know about you.

I don't like to put things away. Well, the people that know me wouldn't be surprised. I don't mind washing dishes or washing/drying/folding the laundry. But they will stay in the drainer or laundry basket til I need it again. I don't put things away.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Not a chance, unless you count with me.

23. How many one-night stands?

I can't answer this one. My mom reads this sometimes.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I don't have cable, and don't watch TV. I hardly even watch movies.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Ummm. Nope the only one I hate, I hated the year before.

26. What was the best book you read?

Book three of Dean Koontz' Frankenstien

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I have no idea. Although music related, I did meet the truck drivers for Brad Paisley. That was neat, they were on their way to Tennessee for the Music Awards.

28. What did you want and get?

Laid.  Oh, can't say that, mom might be reading. Let's say.......a new to me van.

WTH? Where did 29 go? Oh well I will move on, this is way too long anyway.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I, uh, didn't watch any new movies this year.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I spent the day with my son and I turned 32.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

My son coming home.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Fashion and me in the same sentance? Hhahhhahahahah. I'm sorry, that is just funny. I describe my clothes as totally comfortable. But not fashionable in any sense of the word.

34. What kept you sane?

Donuts.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Carrie Underwood

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
ParentalRights.org

37. Whom did you miss?
My son.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

I have to pick one?......................I can't decide. But it was not the dude that was txt stalking me. So far all the other guys have been all right.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:

To go with the flow. It doesn't do much good to rail at the life you have. Either change it or live with it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I don't have any idea. It would have to be a song about never giving up hope. Cuz that's what I'm all about.

So the rest of the meme calls for tagging, which I don’t do because I’m not popular enough to know that many people, so rather than tag you, I’m going to tag YOU to answer this meme on your blog OR in the comments.

Happy New Year!

Well, I am back after the new year celebrations. I actually had a date and went out for NYE. Wow, I haven't done that in....Well, ever. If you don't count the one where I had to be designated driver for my son's dad while I laid in the recliner trying not to keep jumping up and running to the bathroom and throw up. I was preggers-not drunk-keep it clean here... ;) That one was probably the most not fun I ever had. Any way, back to this new year. I have some resolutions again. As always. If only I could make them happen....

1. Not to go crazy from my job. It is a crazy place to work. We often have the discussion in my office of whether the employees are crazy when they are hired or if working here makes them crazy. We still haven't decided yet.

2. Keep on losing weight. It seems to be working so far, so I shall stick with it.

3. Have fun. And a lot of it.

That's it. I don't want to overwhelm myself this year with a bunch of goals that I know I will never follow through with. So I will stick with ones that I know I can do. Make me feel good about myself. Don't want to be an overachiever, so I'll just stick with three. Always better to be an underachiever.

I started the new year off right for sticking with resolution number three. I had a blast that night. I should do that more often. Well maybe not the drinking too much part. Although I was in good hands with a friend of mine who swore to take care of me. I even rode in a cab for the first time that night. I did not drink too tooo much. Just got a lot tipsy, not like hangover drunk. But what fun I did have. We went out to dinner, to the local bar/grill we all like to hang out at, then off to another bar to hear a band. The band was great, the drinks good, and the whole evening was fun. Happy new year to all of you and I hope that this is your year. We all need good things to come our way this year. So I proclaim this to be our year!