Sad Day in the House

I lost. Big time. The judge stated that my testimony was irrelevant and my evidence was not valid, so none of it got entered. Everything my ex said was taken as gospel. My son even testified and his testimony backed up what I said and contradicted everything his dad said. The judge then stated that my son's testimony was not important and didn't count either. My atty was shocked at the whole situation. He said he had never seen the judge act that way. I told him that was because he had never seen my case in front of the judge before. He always says my testimony is irrelevant. He did let me enter evidence in the past. Then at the end of the day, he said that since I moved closer, and my son had never been to this house, on his order mind you that I could not leave the county his dad lives in during my visits, I couldn't bring him home, even for visits. (Sorry, that was quite the run-on sentence.) How the hell am I supposed to let my son see if he likes this house or is comfortable here, if I can't bring him here?

Then, even though I haven't found a job, and I have been trying to find one, I have to pay child support, because I quit my job to be closer. Then because this was a frivolous case, I have to pay all court costs, all court reporter costs, all atty fees, even for my ex, and doctor bills from the last three years because I couldn't afford insurance that would cover my son for out of state visits when I was still living in Illinois. I don't know how I'm supposed to pay any of it, since I can't find a job. The job that I thought I would have after moving down here fell through. It may or may not start sometime next year.

My atty told me that with this judge I would probably never get to bring my son home. This was our shot, and the judge blew it out of the water and wouldn't listen to anything I said, even when I had documentation to prove it. He refused to look at any records I brought with me. My atty told me that someday, I might get to have better visits. But at this point and the way the judge treated me, there is no guarantee.

My son was devastated. When the hearing was over, my ex's atty told him to let my have my son for a couple of hours. My ex went out in the hallway and said come on, you're going with your mom. He thought we won and that he was coming home. Then I had to be the one to tell him that we lost and the judge didn't listen to anything we said. He was angry that no one listened to him. His dad kept saying that if my son wanted to live with me, he would let him. But that's a big fat lie because my son tells everyone that he wants to live with me, but no one listens to him.

I am also devastated. My atty thought we had the case wrapped up and could not lose. I have had a bad feeling for several weeks and told him that. He said it was just nerves. We would be fine. So much for fine. This was a very hard lesson to learn at such a young age for my son. He had to learn that even though you go in and tell the truth, it doesn't always work. Sometimes the liars get their way. I don't know how this will affect him in the long run. He talked to me a bit on a couple of phone calls, but hasn't talked to me for more than about five minutes since early this week. I don't even know what to say to him. His dad keeps telling him that I am a bad mother and was hurting him by giving him the medicine prescribed by the doctor. I told him that the doctor is the one that said he had to have it (for acid reflux), and that was what I gave him. But his dad is telling him that I gave him like five different pills a day. Which is entirely untrue, but he doesn't remember. He just hears what his dad keeps telling him over and over, and I don't have enough time to undo all the damage he is causing in the relationship between my son and me. If he is allowed to say whatever he wants unchecked, I will not be able to undo it. There will be no stopping my ex now that the judge has ruled the way he has.

I don't really know what to do. I don't really think I have any more recourse in the case. My atty says this was the end of the line, although hopefully someday I can have better visits. With my ex being allowed to do whatever he wants now, I don't think that will happen. He will work diligently to ruin what we have right now. It's nowhere near as strong as it was when my son lived with me, nor even as strong as it was a year ago. I don't think it will take him too long to take it to the point where my son doesn't even want to see me anymore. I hope he doesn't, but I know that is his intention as my ex told me that right after all this started. That was his goal. Now he has the backup with this awful judge to do as he likes. Even if it hurts my son in the process, that's ok by him because my son is just a pawn to him. And I am the enemy. We will be the casualties in this war. Because that is how he sees life. A war and game to be won, at all costs. I just hope he doesn't destroy my son in his process of winning.

I hope that my son and I continue to have good visits, and that he won't pull away from me now. At this point, that is all I can hope for.

Hope life is treating you better than me.

A DATE!!!!!

Not that kind of date! The important kind.

We have the first date set for the depositions/hearings/yada-yada! One step closer to bringing my son home!!!! I am so excited. I have been telling everyone here at work.Called a few people. Sent the text messages. And now, Interwebz, I am telling you good people. I have the first date set up. Yippee and more yippee's!

Not too exciting here

There has not been any updates. I do not have any new dates for court or depositions yet. Hopefully soon. I probably will not hear back from my atty until after the first of the year. With all the holidays and him being on vacation and honymooning from his recent marriage (Congrats Mr Atty!), he is not in right now.

As far as the new "friend", we hit a stone wall. He wanted to spend every available minute either at my house or on the phone together. That drives me nuts. I was feeling smothered. When I tried to tell him about it, he kind of blew me off saying that he did not want any more than I did and he would wait for me. I told him I could not give him the time and "energy" that a relationship with him would require and he just kept telling me he did not want anything, and did not expect anything. I told him that his behaviors and words told me he did want more and I could not give more. He then told me he would give me a while and some space to decide, but he would not just be friends. That to me sounded like an ultimatum and so I said that was fine and he left. I thought that was the end of it until the next day. I got a text message from him wanting to know where I was. As if he was sitting at my house and I was not there, so where was I? That bothered me. I did not ask him to come over and I had plans and was not going to be home. He did not ask, just assumed he could come over. When I told him where I was (what town) he wanted to know if I was still there from the night before when I was supposed to go to that town. I did not make it the night before because the plans fell through, but what business is it of his was how I felt. That pretty much told me that I did not/should not be in any kind of relationship with him. Well, I actually already knew that, it was just sort of the clincher. Then in the past two weeks, I keep getting text messages from him about how much he misses me. How do you miss someone you have only known for three weeks. I also got one from him on Christmas Eve morning at 5:30 in the morning! Talk about a rude awakening.

I did decide through all of this annoyance at him, though, that I was still interested in dating. I have met a couple of different guys, and have been introduced to others. I have been on one date, and I had a blast. It was really nice to go out with someone for a change. Obviously I have no idea where any of this will lead, and most likely it will be to nowhere, but I will have fun getting there. And if I get a nice dinner or two out of the deal, all the better.

On another personal note, I have been working on the weight loss goal I set for the year. You know, now that the year is almost over. I have started walking with my sister for two mornings a week. I would like more, but that is all she can commit to right now. I also have walked/jogged a few times on my own. I have been following my diet. I am down about 4 inches this past month. I was visiting my best friend and she was purging her closet. I love it when I am there when she does that. I came home with an armful of new clothes, some of them from her SIL with the tags still on, like JCrew and LizClaiborne. I started trying them on and they all fit. Then I thought while I was at it, I should try on my own clothes that did not fit anymore. Happy Day! I can get them on. Not all of them yet, the smallest ones don't fit yet, but I am well on my way! Happy Day Oh Happy Day! I even burned the food I was cooking for our family holiday dinner I was so excited and spent so much time in the bedroom trying on clothes. I totally forgot about it. I didn't ruin it thank goodness, it was just a little crunchy and dark on the top. We just picked that part off! *laughing at myself again*

So far that is all that is going on in my life. Nothing new to report on the deals and steals front. I still haven't really been shopping. Just for things like milk and eggs. I don't have any new reports on the custody front yet, although I hope really soon for that. And on the personal front, just the weight loss is going great. And the dinner. Hopefully more of those come my way....

Finally, A Court Date

Finally. Well, last Tuesday I had the first hearing. It was a joke of a court room. It was held in a civil court setting where all the cases are just argued out there in front of the whole room. People were in and out of the courtroom the whole time. The door was loud and it was distracting every time it slammed shut. My case was called as the second hearing. Unfortunately my ex and his atty were not there yet so we had to wait until the last case was heard. While we waited our turn, we actually heard a case where one man was sueing another for money just in case the leasing company sued him after an accident that happened over six years ago. What is wrong with the people in that particular area? It totally blew my mind all the cases I heard that morning. Finally it was our turn. We were there to argue whether to be allowed to have a hearing and if my son could keep the atty that had already been appointed. First, my ex's atty gets up and talks about how unusual this case was and it was his first time fighting a case like this, the first time as far as he knew for the county. Then says that the case should be summarily dismissed because I am crazy. They all said so. *insert me rolling my eyes* Then my atty gets up and states that is not true and the entire case is disputed facts therefore the case could not be summarily dismissed. SURPRISE: the judge agreed with my atty! That is a first!!!! That means we progress to depositions, discovery and a custody hearing.

Next up was the issue with the GAL (Guardian Ad Litem) that was already appointed for my son. The ex's atty actually said that he did not know if any of the allegations made by me were true or not but that did not matter. What mattered was that I was ordered to carry health insurance, but since I stated that I could not afford it, I could obviously not afford to pay the GAL and therefore the cost would fall to his client. No GAL should be appointed and set aside the order. My atty got up and stated that no court costs that have been remanded to me have been unpaid. I have fulfilled my court cost obligation every time and there was no indication that I would not pay these costs. Then my ex's atty gets up and says there is a new State Supreme Court ruling that says that only in extraordinary cases can the child have a GAL. The judge asked him what was his definition of extraordinary. Yes, the judge asked my ex's atty to provide the definition of an extraordinary for the court. WTF?!?!?!? The ex's atty said he did not know. So the judge said that he would set aside the GAL order. Actually he said that so many orders were filed with the courts to be filed that there was no way for the judges to always know what they were signing and they always got one side or the other mad for signing orders. I simply cannot believe what transpires in the courts down there. It is insane.

So, while we lost the GAL for S we do still get to go to court. We will just have to find another way around the issue. Next up is trying to get dates set for the depositions and such. I don't have a date for them yet. Hopefully soon.

On a personal note, I met someone. I have been on a couple of dates with him and so far we are getting along great. My dad introduced us one night a few months ago. He is a bit older than me. Well a lot actually. He is about 20 years older than me. So far no one in my family has been bothered by it. I thought they might be, but they don't seem to care. Pretty much all they have said so far is they don't care about his age or skin color, just how he treats me. So far, only with respect. He better or he'll be on the curb with the rest of them. I won't go into any details yet, mostly because other than sitting and talking to get to know each other there are not any details.

I also wanted to put in a mention for all those that want to whiten their teeth, I found a product that actually worked. For me at least. (I get nothing for mentioning this-they don't even know I exist.) Aquafresh White Trays are what I used. They were fabulous. I have sensitive teeth and other whitening products hurt my teeth or caused even more sensitivity. These White Trays were really easy to use, they did not make my teeth hurt and you only use them for seven days. I can totally live with that. My mom said that she can really tell a big difference in the color of my teeth. YEAH! Money well spent.

That pretty much brings you all up to speed with everything. I will let you know when I get some more dates for the custody issues. Hope this finds you all well.