You Want Another Update? Here Ya Go

I have a court date and a very bad feeling. See, we have been trying unsuccessfully to get this court date for a while, and it myseriously kept getting "lost" or "now unavailable". The judge ruled against me last time on some stupid technicalities that my lawyer should have been smart enough to see coming. He wasn't. Smart enough, I mean. So now with my new attorney, we should be able to be ready for the "forseeable" issues. Except the judge is already hassling my atty over just getting the court date. That does not bode well for me. I think that, even after all the visits I have made and all the effort and money my family and I have put into all of this, I will not get my son back after all. Because of a crooked judge.

I am not really looking for a pity party or anything. I have kind of had a bad feeling about my situation for a while, but nothing I could put my finger on. Then when I called my mom with the update about the court date and difficulties getting it, she said she had a bad feeling, too. I think I have been fighting a losing battle. But fight I will. I will continue to try to get my son home no matter what odds are stacked against me. Do I feel like I am going to win? No. Will I ever give up? Not a chance. And maybe feeling like I am not going to win is a good thing. I am not sure that I could handle feeling like we were going to win, only to lose when we get to court. I think it would rip my heart right out of my chest and kill me dead right then and there. Scratch that... I know it would. If I go in thinking that we will lose because of ole crooked judge, and I actually do win, then I won't have to be disappointed.

 I think the disappointment is harder to take than anything. I would rather be resigned to loss than to endure another day of that judge looking at me saying blah blah blah technicality blah blah, can't move the child.

Here's keeping my fingers crossed that the good guys will prevail, the guys in the white hats will win, that evil will be taken down. You know, all that good guys are the best stuff.

Update

I am still alive. We are still trying to get my boy home. All the papers have been filed, all the depositions completed, all the information has been subpeaoned. Is that a word? Or spelled right? We are now waiting on our court date. Supposedly it will be in September sometime towards the end. Right now, I am as tense as can be. This waiting is for the birds. Our visits are mostly ok, although Creepy has been a little quiet and stressed. He says there is nothing he wants to talk about even when I press. I just hope his dad hasn't talked him into wanting to stay with him. He does tell me that he still wants to come home, so I hope he means it. Hopefully, he wants to come home still when we go to court. That would be really sucky to get to court only to hear him say that he changed his mind because his dad buys him lots of toys to stay there. Hope all is well with you guys out there in blogger-land. I will post when we have more news

My eye problem? Turns out it was sinus issues. I got a headache Tuesday night. That morphed into the devil headache Wednesday morning. MM was a little worried. I take that to mean I looked like cat puke. By lunchtime, I was ready to go home. I thought I was going to hurl. MM came to get me and I went home and went to bed.

When I woke up three hours later, I had so much sinus pressure, I had blurry vision. MM went and got me some sinus medicine. I love sinus medicine, it's my new boyfriend. I didn't feel great, and there was still some pressure, but all in all, I finally felt like I might survive this attack of devil sinuses.

By this morning, I felt much better. Even my eye has stopped hurting. Stupid eye. Next time it hurts I will pay attention and buy some sinus meds. Especially since the last time I bought sinus medicine it expired before I needed it again. I get a sinus headache and pressure like every two or three years. I think this one was good enough for at least five years. Damned sinuses. I really feel bad for you folks that suffer with sinus issues all the time. But at least if you know you have problems, you can keep your sinus medicine boyfriend handy all the time.

Ham. Phones. Eyes. Random Tuesday Thoughts

It's Random Tuesday. I'm not sure these are even enough to be considered full thoughts, so we'll just stick with Random Tuesday.

I have something going on with my eye. It's not pink eye or any kind of infection as far as I can tell. It's just a little puffy and teary. And it HURTS. Like, been taking excedrin for several days hurts.

I love Subway. Black Forest Ham. mmmmmm

I'm gonna brag for a minute here, bear with me. I got another compliment on my weight loss last night. My friend said I was looking down right skinny. Yea me!

Today, I sit here and eat Lay's potato chips. Probably won't do much for the keeping the weight off, huh.

I don't owe any more money to my attorney. At least not this week. They said I was paid up. For now. I'm sure that will change soon.

My son was cleaning at his dad's house last night. I want my cheap labor back. Then I can be lazy and get bon-bons and gain all my weight back.

I broke another cell phone. That makes three in less than a year. I really should get the insurance. Ooops.

Moving makes me crazy. And it's expensive.

That about sums up what's rolling around in my head here. Now go check out Keely over at The Un Mom and check out all the other random shit. And don't forget to play along. And comment.

What About That?

I have read several blogs lately that have talked about change. As in change in their lives. Big changes you notice immediately. Small changes that you don't even know changed the course of your life until later, upon reflection.

I think spring is a good time for reflection on your life, and a great time for implementing changes. It is a time to start fresh. A time to let yourself bloom. We can all be flowers. We need to open ourselves up to the change that happens to us. If you want things to change in your life, you need to figure out what it is exactly that you want to change. Sit down, write it out, visualize it.

I know that there are many things in my life I want to change. I am getting ready to make some big life changes. I will be quitting my job, moving, starting another job, hopefully getting my son back home, and getting married. All by the end of this year. These are all major life changes.

But it will be the small changes and decisions that I make that will make the most difference. Obviously moving and a new job will have an effect, but I see that coming. I can prepare for it. The things I can't prepare for are the ones that will have the most profound effect on me. The ones I don't see coming will be the ones that could throw me for a loop. These are the ones that define a person.

I hope that I can respond to the new differences in my life with tact. Mostly. I hope that I can be calm and collected. What I hope most, though, is that the life changes don't break me down, or defeat me.

How do you deal with the life changes that are thrown your way? You know, the little ones that change the course of your life, but you didn't see it coming? Are you strong and decisive, or have you let them defeat you before coming to terms with them?

Baseball and Apple Pie: RTT

It's RTT! Go check out Keely at The UnMom for more random.

I was talking with some other moms this weekend. I have now fully realized just how happy I am to have a boy. One of the women had four boys only and the other woman had all boys, then finally had a girl last. And holy cow, her stories matched stories from Drama Girl. All girls must be pretty similar. I know they all aren't, cuz Baby Girl is more like Destructo Girl. She is a total daredevil and like to take things apart. That is my kind of girl.

Both of the girls like flowers. They like the kind from a flower shop and the kind they can plant into the ground. I think that Creep likes flowers and veggies and things that he can plant. He likes to garden, and so do the girls.

I know that Creep believes in unicorns, and I don't know if the girls even know what a unicorn is. I will have to ask them. Destructo Girl will say she believes whatever Drama Girl believes in. She loves her big sister.

I saw a post earlier today about underwear. I have decided I do not have enough underwear. I am forever doing more laundry so I can have more clean ones. I need to hit of VS for more of those sexy and comfy undies.

Creep seems to be doing okay. He is playing baseball. He seems to like it okay. He got cut from one team and put on another, but seems okay with that. He says he did not like the first coach and says he does like the new coach he has.

I really don't have anything to say about apple pie. I do like it though. Especially home made apple pie.

That's all Folks!

Babies and Big Boys

Well, I spent last weekend with Creep again. It was beautiful weather. We went to the campgrounds and got a campsite. I put up the tent and got out the chairs and his bike. We walked around the campgrounds. Well, I walked and he rode. The lazy little creep could not even ride his bike as far as I could walk. He kept telling me how tired he was. I swear if it weren't for the sports he plays down at his dad's he would be a couch potato. Actually he is a couch potato except when he is at practice or the games.

Anyway, we lounged in the sunshine. We watched some movies, we napped. All in all, it was a fun and relaxing weekend. No creepiness at all. He still doesn't want to talk on the phone at night when I call, but the visits are improving again. I think maybe he had spring fever and just needed to have someone to spend some time outside with. I like to play outside too, so it was no stretch for me to be out there with him.

We also spent a lot of time just talking. Not about anything major, or even anything important. Just chatting, and making sure that I listened. He tells me frequently that no one listens to him or looks at him when he is talking. I try really hard to make sure that he has my full attention when we are together. I want him to know and feel that he is important. Not just because I am his mom, but because he is important as a person. He has value, other than just being my child. He has value, and has his own opinions, and he can share them with me. I don't have to agree with him, and he knows that. It was just really nice to be able to talk and chat about nothing of consequence. Sort of like the dinner chat that can sometimes be heard around the dinner table.

It was really hard to take him back on Sunday evening. The visit had gone so well, and we both enjoyed ourselves so much, that neither of us wanted the day to end. Of course he did not want to talk on the phone when I called. I can deal with that though, if we can continue to connect on the visits.

I really need to get out the camera agian and get some pictures to put up here. He is growing up so fast. He looks totally different than he did when he was home last. He doesn't have even the slightest of baby-ness to his face now. And boy is he getting tall.

How about you mom's(or auntie's or cousins) out there, have you ever turned around and a little one was no longer little? Like they grew up suddenly when you weren't looking?