Flashback Friday is brought to you by Jill over at Scarymommy.com
I apologize! This post is long and rambly (is that a word?) and I only chose it because I am feeling sentimental today with my visit coming up tomorrow. You don't have to read it if you don't want to!
(Originally Posted) Tuesday, December 23, 2008
A Bond Between a Mother and a Son
Bear with me. This title may seem like it has nothing to do with my post, but hang in there and you will see the relevance.I tried to have a little fun teasing my son this past week. He was again reminding me what he had asked for for christmas. I was visiting this weekend and I got lots of reminders. And questions of if we were going to go and buy him some presents. I told him no of course. I was not buying any presents for him in front of him. We did go shopping and he had a lot of fun. I left him with my mom for a few minutes to pick out a present for me. Mom said he was very proud and impressed with his decisions. When he was done picking for me he wanted to go look at toys while my mom went to pay.And so it began, can I have this and this and this. No, No, NO! It is only a few days until christmas. My mom and I discussed this behavior after dropping my son off at his dad's. We have come to the conclusion that he does this because his dad puts him up to it. Not always in a fashion that points directly to him. More of a sneaky, I will pull one over on them type of thing. My ex will take my son to walmart, take him to the toy section and let him look at the toys. Now, there is nothing wrong with that. I do the same thing, because he likes to look at the toys and dream, "if I had lots of money". The problem begins when my son asks for something. Instead of saying no and being done with it, my ex says well sure you can have it if you buy it. Or he will say something along the lines of he does not get child support, so he can't afford it. Like my son should even be in a discussion about whether or not my ex gets child support. Or lastly, he tells my son, sure you can have it, just tell your mom to get it for you. Your mom should buy that for you. Then I take my son to walmart because he wants to go and "look". I end up with some sort of no I am not buying that for you today discussion with my son, because his dad said he should ask me. Not very nice for my little boy who thought that he would get a toy. Here is where this phenomenon gets interesting. This does not pass on to other stores. Since my ex only goes to walmart and lowe's, I can take my son to kmart and avoid the battles altogether. So, we now just go to kmart. It is as if my son does not realize that he could ask at other stores. I know that he wants "stuff" from kmart because he will point out toys that are "neat" or stuff he just wants. But he does not beg for them. I tell him we are just looking and that's what he does.Anyway, we ended up at walmart because none of the other stores had the present they (my mom and my son) were looking for and we ended up looking in the toys section while mom paid. We did make it out without any purchases. After all, it is almost christmas. Oh, but the "I can't wait" was fun. It was too long and too many days according to my son. I can still remember the agony of waiting those last few days.After mom was done paying he wanted to take my mom to see the games that he wanted for the nintendo ds. He was trying really hard to figure the best way to get them all. I could buy this game, Grammy could buy this one, Auntie could get this one, Uncle could get this one, and maybe Papa (grandpa) could get this one. And could he get one from his cousins. We then explained that since his cousins belonged to Auntie and Uncle, they would not be buying him an expensive game, and since Auntie and Uncle are married, they will not be buying separate games. He can get one from their whole family. And Grammy had already bought him some presents. We then discovered that he thought Santa would bring the ds and not bring any games. We quickly told him that Santa does not bring a game system and nothing to play on it. Well, that made him feel much better. So Santa brings the ds and a game, mom will get a game and Papa will get him a game, or two since his will be coming from GameStop.My son asked me last night if I had his presents yet. I told him no I forgot I was supposed to get you anything. Did we talk about that, did you say you wanted presents. I thought you did not want any presents this year. He informed me that he knew better, he knew that I would have presents for him. I asked him how he knew that and the answer he gave me touched my heart.He said to me that he knew I would bring him presents because I always do what I say for him, and I don't let him down, and I don't give up on him. He knows he can trust me.All that from an eight year old. I really wished right then that I could give him a great big squeezy hug. Instead we finished talking and I finished shopping when we were done.All of this behavior and especially the conversations makes me feel as if I have an unbreakable bond with my son. I figure I must be doing something right. After nearly two years of limited visits, monitored phone calls, and constant hearing of negative name calling talk about me, my son still loves me and trusts me totally. I know that his father said more than once before he got custody that if he had custody it would be the opposite of when I had him. My son would like him and want to stay with him and not like me and not want to go with me. I look at our situation and see that no matter how much he wants it not to be true, my son still loves me and wants to come home. And home is with mom, not dad. Even after almost two years, I am still Home. I am the rock and the safety. Most importantly, I am the love. I know that some folks may not approve of how I raised my son, and that is part of why I lost him, but how many of those that spoke ill of me could have said the same were they in this situation? How many people in general can say that they know their children have complete faith and trust in them? Even though I have not fixed this problem, my son knows that eventually I will. He still has a faith that mom will make it all right. Because he is my son, and my heart, I will make it all right. That is part of the unbreakable bond between a mom and her child.I would like to add a small disclaimer. I do know families that can say their children trust them completely. I know several that cannot, but I do know of tight strong families. My sister is one of them. I also have the feeling based on the posts from the pound, and their blogs, moms there could also say it. (Right Jmo, even when your child grows up and leaves home, they know where the heart is!)
A Bond Between a Mother and a Son
Bear with me. This title may seem like it has nothing to do with my post, but hang in there and you will see the relevance.I tried to have a little fun teasing my son this past week. He was again reminding me what he had asked for for christmas. I was visiting this weekend and I got lots of reminders. And questions of if we were going to go and buy him some presents. I told him no of course. I was not buying any presents for him in front of him. We did go shopping and he had a lot of fun. I left him with my mom for a few minutes to pick out a present for me. Mom said he was very proud and impressed with his decisions. When he was done picking for me he wanted to go look at toys while my mom went to pay.And so it began, can I have this and this and this. No, No, NO! It is only a few days until christmas. My mom and I discussed this behavior after dropping my son off at his dad's. We have come to the conclusion that he does this because his dad puts him up to it. Not always in a fashion that points directly to him. More of a sneaky, I will pull one over on them type of thing. My ex will take my son to walmart, take him to the toy section and let him look at the toys. Now, there is nothing wrong with that. I do the same thing, because he likes to look at the toys and dream, "if I had lots of money". The problem begins when my son asks for something. Instead of saying no and being done with it, my ex says well sure you can have it if you buy it. Or he will say something along the lines of he does not get child support, so he can't afford it. Like my son should even be in a discussion about whether or not my ex gets child support. Or lastly, he tells my son, sure you can have it, just tell your mom to get it for you. Your mom should buy that for you. Then I take my son to walmart because he wants to go and "look". I end up with some sort of no I am not buying that for you today discussion with my son, because his dad said he should ask me. Not very nice for my little boy who thought that he would get a toy. Here is where this phenomenon gets interesting. This does not pass on to other stores. Since my ex only goes to walmart and lowe's, I can take my son to kmart and avoid the battles altogether. So, we now just go to kmart. It is as if my son does not realize that he could ask at other stores. I know that he wants "stuff" from kmart because he will point out toys that are "neat" or stuff he just wants. But he does not beg for them. I tell him we are just looking and that's what he does.Anyway, we ended up at walmart because none of the other stores had the present they (my mom and my son) were looking for and we ended up looking in the toys section while mom paid. We did make it out without any purchases. After all, it is almost christmas. Oh, but the "I can't wait" was fun. It was too long and too many days according to my son. I can still remember the agony of waiting those last few days.After mom was done paying he wanted to take my mom to see the games that he wanted for the nintendo ds. He was trying really hard to figure the best way to get them all. I could buy this game, Grammy could buy this one, Auntie could get this one, Uncle could get this one, and maybe Papa (grandpa) could get this one. And could he get one from his cousins. We then explained that since his cousins belonged to Auntie and Uncle, they would not be buying him an expensive game, and since Auntie and Uncle are married, they will not be buying separate games. He can get one from their whole family. And Grammy had already bought him some presents. We then discovered that he thought Santa would bring the ds and not bring any games. We quickly told him that Santa does not bring a game system and nothing to play on it. Well, that made him feel much better. So Santa brings the ds and a game, mom will get a game and Papa will get him a game, or two since his will be coming from GameStop.My son asked me last night if I had his presents yet. I told him no I forgot I was supposed to get you anything. Did we talk about that, did you say you wanted presents. I thought you did not want any presents this year. He informed me that he knew better, he knew that I would have presents for him. I asked him how he knew that and the answer he gave me touched my heart.He said to me that he knew I would bring him presents because I always do what I say for him, and I don't let him down, and I don't give up on him. He knows he can trust me.All that from an eight year old. I really wished right then that I could give him a great big squeezy hug. Instead we finished talking and I finished shopping when we were done.All of this behavior and especially the conversations makes me feel as if I have an unbreakable bond with my son. I figure I must be doing something right. After nearly two years of limited visits, monitored phone calls, and constant hearing of negative name calling talk about me, my son still loves me and trusts me totally. I know that his father said more than once before he got custody that if he had custody it would be the opposite of when I had him. My son would like him and want to stay with him and not like me and not want to go with me. I look at our situation and see that no matter how much he wants it not to be true, my son still loves me and wants to come home. And home is with mom, not dad. Even after almost two years, I am still Home. I am the rock and the safety. Most importantly, I am the love. I know that some folks may not approve of how I raised my son, and that is part of why I lost him, but how many of those that spoke ill of me could have said the same were they in this situation? How many people in general can say that they know their children have complete faith and trust in them? Even though I have not fixed this problem, my son knows that eventually I will. He still has a faith that mom will make it all right. Because he is my son, and my heart, I will make it all right. That is part of the unbreakable bond between a mom and her child.I would like to add a small disclaimer. I do know families that can say their children trust them completely. I know several that cannot, but I do know of tight strong families. My sister is one of them. I also have the feeling based on the posts from the pound, and their blogs, moms there could also say it. (Right Jmo, even when your child grows up and leaves home, they know where the heart is!)
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