Wow, My Weekend and Some Rambling

That is all I can say about my weekend. I was home this weekend. I did not go visit my son for the weekend. I went last weekend for just Sunday. Then I also went to see him on Thursday for a few hours for his birthday. We celebrated his birthday on Sunday with presents and brownies. He does not like cake, only the icing. So, we had brownies. It is all a chocolate-y goodness, so makes no difference to me. We had a blast. We pretty much just played all day.

Then I think Thursday was my undoing. I totally enjoyed my time with my son. I saved a couple of cards and one present for his actual birthday. We went to the river and the park to play as well. Of course I had to drop him off after just a couple of hours and it was really sad. Not enough time. He did tell me I was the first to sing him Happy Birthday on his birthday, and he said it with the sweetest little smile. Then as I was dropping him off, he said he liked the big van better than all the different cars I've been driving (two rentals and my moms explorer). When I asked why he had the funniest answer. Because the big van has two side doors that open and he feels like a king when we open both doors to let him out. In all the cars, there is just one door and he's just a regular kid. I laughed a lot at that one. I may have to get another full size van to replace my old one just to make my kid feel like a king again!

I also sold the camper (I hope). I am waiting on the title to arrive to my house. A couple came and looked at it on Sunday and said consider it sold, call them when the title comes in and they will come and get it. I was doing the happy dance for hours. I thought I would never sell it. At least for what I wanted to get out of it. I am actually getting more than I paid for it, but not more than I spent on it. I will recoup everything I have had out of pocket from it. That is super news, and more money to put towards the hearing and the court costs if they are soon or a new car if it is going to be months before we get to court.

Back to the undoing. When I had to leave S this past Thursday, it was all I could do to hold my tears in. I am not usually happy to drop him off, but am pretty good at keeping my emotions in check. I think it was kind of a combination of two short visits in a row followed by his birthday. He just keeps getting older, and he is still not home. This is really hard. I am really tired of waiting. I think that it is part of the bad guy team plan (my ex and his atty). Part of MSBP is that the mom's start to get more emotional and stressed the longer it takes to get their children back. Oh, yes cause all mom's would start to relax and get calmer as the time passes without their kids. (can you see the sarcasm dripping off that comment?) Craziness I tell you. I think they are hoping that I go nuts and start raving like a lunatic if they keep dragging it out and make it so they are not available to get dates and times set up. Nope, I will just calmly rip him a new one the first chance I get. Hopefully right after court....Right after the court (hopefully-keeping my fingers crossed) terminates all his rights.

Anyway, I think I am sad about my son getting older and I am missing it. Yes, I realize I do get to see him. But I am missing the day to day things. The discoveries, the playing, the interacting with the pets and other children. The interacting with me. Even the arguing. So I came home from my visit and decided this weekend was as good as any to start getting the house cleaned up. I actually plug in the tv and put in a movie. Now I do not have any new movies. All my movies are either about 10 years old (or older) or Disney movies. I just put it on in the background and by the end of the movie, I had been crying for at least four different scenes and through the whole ending. Not just the sad stuff, at all the mushy stuff and happy stuff too. So I watched a different movie with the same results. The second movie, BTW, was Harry Potter, the first one-Sorcerer's Stone- and has absolutely no reason to cry. At least it did not used to have any reason to cry for me in the past. I got done cleaning in the front half of my house and moved on to the kitchen. I plugged in the tv/vcr combo. I just needed the noise, and usually I don't need that either. I was just weird all weekend. I watched Homeward Bound. That movie is from ages ago, and I have watched it a billion times, I know all the animals make it home. Instead at the point you think one of the dogs is going to die, I cried for the whole rest of the movie, right through the end where he lives and makes it home. I'm talking sobbing, nose running and all.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really do wish I knew exactly what is going on with me this weekend. I am feeling better today, albeit catty. I am not really sure what is wrong with that though. Sometimes a gal just needs to be catty and let it all out. I just don't know if I had been holding it all in for too long, and it burst out, or if I am just lonely, or if I am just stressed because I don't like my job, I don't like my ex, and I want my kid back. I am just confused. But at least this week I know which day it is! :)

Here is a pic of us on his birthday, when he did not feel like a king, but did feel special that I sang Happy Birthday to him. Me with my shiny face and S playing his new DS game.